Jägermeister: Only for The Manliest of Men

Have you had the pleasure of viewing the new Jägermeister television ad?

No? Allow me to set the scene for you.

The setting is some unknown snowy landscape; the wind howls as we spot the signature Jäger deer in the distance. A dude who may or may not be a Juggalo, or perhaps the lost member of Kiss trudges through the snow and enters a mysterious castle.

He walks down a creaky dark hallway, the walls lined with pictures of men committing manly acts. Boxing. Holding guns. Sporting sweet mustaches. Not smiling.

A very serious narrator spouts a dramatic diatribe about how one cannot choose to come here, but must earn the right by doing Man Stuff; and in doing this Man Stuff, men form bonds. Harder, stronger bonds.

We reach our destination at the end of the hallway and enter a dimly lit man-cave replete with wood paneling; there's that deer head again, this time mounted on the wall. A group of tough-looking dudes are huddled around a large round table sculpted from ice in what looks to be one big hyper-masculine circle jerk. The camera pans to each and we see a montage of how he's earned his place at the table. The tribal-tatted rockstar. The race car driver. The surfer. (Our mysterious Juggalo turns out to be, in fact, a rodeo clown.)

They toast to their rugged manliness and pound frigid shots of the syrupy brown liquor, slamming their glasses on the icy table.

Then the tagline: "Jägermeister: A Stronger Bond."


Jägermeister is often the shot of choice for my lady friends and me when we get together to pregame before a night of raising hell; I don't find there to be anything more masculine about it than say, Smirnoff Ice. ("You just got ICED!")

However, in my experience a night of drinking usually results in missing time, peeing behind Dumpsters and waking up with the taste of bad choices in one's mouth -- and I suppose those are all bonding experiences in their own right, in the sense that your friends will have funny stories to blackmail you with tell later.

At any rate, I feel they could've gotten a little more creative with the slogan to better express the testosterone-fueled bonding experiences that the Jäger marketing team imagines are being formed in frat houses all across America.

How about "Jägermeister: Not For Pussies"? Or maybe, "Jägermeister: It Puts Hair On Your Balls."

Perhaps they could even join forces with Dr Pepper Ten to create the Manliest Man Drink That Ever Was. Maybe even a Jäger-infused sports drink for only the toughest athletes. "Jäger-Ade: Because Steroids Are Fucking Illegal."

I guess my lack of a Y chromosome means I should stick to appletinis.

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