Learning to Embrace the Smoothies at Green Grocer So My Heart Doesn't Explode

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Yesterday I stood at the counter of the Green Grocer, yoga mat on my my shoulder, and ordered a smoothie with hemp seeds and almond milk listed as ingredients. Yes: I felt as weird as that sounds.

I'm not a healthy eater. I'm a life-long burger addict, a lover of Reubens and a devout follower of anything that involves melted cheese. My default meal to grill at home is even more burgers, and anything that emerges from a deep fryer makes me twitch with anticipation. Stopping off for a smoothie after yoga class is not in my repertoire. Yoga wasn't even supposed to be in my repertoire.

But my doctor and I recently had a sit down about some of my levels, which are all out of whack. If I can't get things in check then pills are in order. I like to think I'm a little young for one of those day-by-day pill boxes, which is why I spent 10 minutes trying to decide between the Popeye and the Godzilla, two viscous beverages the color of lawn clippings that are allegedly good for me.

I decided on the Popeye. Sydney, who was working the bar, asked me if I'd like to try a shot of wheat grass, too. I said yes, and then feared my doctor's warning had come much too late. Clearly I was having a stroke, making decisions like these.

Wheat grass juice, for the uninitiated, smells a lot like the underside of a lawnmower that's recently been shoved through a thick, wet lawn. Sydney told me the Green Grocer's wheat grass is special because it's grown outside like grass was meant to be.

They serve it with an orange wedge, presumably because it's as tough to get down as a shot of rail gin, but it's actually not terrible if you can ignore the smell. It's got a mild, vegetal flavor with a lingering sweetness that's almost nice, though there's a high probability that's a blood clot talking.

The smoothie, on the other hand, required no work to ingest. It was sweet and light, despite containing hemp and chia seeds and even raw spinach. It tasted very little like this burger, which I'm still trying to get over, but it was completely satisfying. If I can get one of these strange concoctions down to stave off a meal or two, I'm almost excited to try another.

Right after I go grab that burger.

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