McDonald's TV is Here. So, Five Local Programming Ideas.

McDonald's new phase of mind control and world domination is upon us: McTV is here. [ACTIVATE MIND CONTROL]

McDonald's is launching the "McDonald's Channel," according to the LA Times, The "digital network of exclusive original content targeted at dine-in customers" is called McTV, and it will include "local news and entertainment features." And, we're guessing, an occasional Big Mac ad, played while you're eating a Big Mac.

The invasion will no doubt spread to Texas (Phase 1 will begin at 800 stores in California). Once it does, we'd like to pitch some programming ideas that have a Texas-twist:

Troy Aikman's Angus Deluxe Toss Twenty soothing minutes of Troy Aikman throwing a 1/3-pound, 100 percent Angus beef patty on premium bakery-style bun through a tire at Cowboys Stadium. In slow motion, of course.

Daily Weather With Chicken McNuggets A tender, juicy Chicken McNugget delivers the five-day forecast using McDonald's various dipping sauces to indicate the severity in upcoming storms -- from Pure Honey (light showers) to Spicy Buffalo (severe t-storms).

Rick Perry Eats a McRib Again and again for 22 minutes (accounting for McRib ads).

Most Eligible Ranch Snack Wrap A reality show, based in Uptown, following the romantic adventures of Ranch Snack Wrap (crispy) as it tries to find the perfect mate.

Top Chef: McGriddles The current season of Top Chef contestants compete over-and-over (show will loop every 5 minutes) in a quick-fire to make the best, gourmet McGriddle concoctions.

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