You just invented the Opti-Grab just like The Jerk's Navin R. Johnson, or possibly hit it big in what many now may consider their only chance at retirement, the lottery. What would you do with all that loot after buying a ration of fine automobiles and country estates? Well, you could join the growing legion of food elitists who are grabbing up gold-leafed cupcakes or bagels with white truffle infused cream cheese.
For those lucky City of Ate readers who hit it big -- yeah, like they're out there -- here's a list of food items fetching that will help lighten the load of those deep pockets.
1. Kona Nigari water bottled by Hawaii Deep Marine Inc. is sucked up from 2,000 feet below the sea off the coast of the big Island in Hawaii. The mineral-rich desalinated seawater is sold desalinated to the Japanese for a retail price of $33.50 for a 2-ounce bottle. The miracle water is supposed to aid in digestion, clear your complexion and reduce stress -- probably caused by its drinkers' realization they're spending $2,144 per gallon of water.
2. Almas Caviar is sold in a 35-ounce portion tucked away in a solid gold container with a whopping price tag of $11,000. The caviar is considered the rarest on the market and is sourced from Iranian albino osetra sturgeon. What makes it so rare is the fact there are so few of these fish, and the caviar is best from the sturgeon that are 60 to 100 years old. (We prefer our caviar from Dallas-based Nick and Sam's where it's free at the bar.
3. A slice of bread. Yeah, three bucks a loaf sucks, but just thank God it doesn't get any higher. Or maybe pray for a little intercession from the Blessed Virgin: In 1994, Florida woman Diane Duyser was biting into a grilled cheese when she saw the image of the Virgin Mary emblazoned on the inside crumb. She kept the sandwich -- which allegedly didn't spoil, so it was obviously Wonder Bread and Velveeta -- for 10 year before selling it to Canadian casino Goldenpalace.com for $28,000.
4. Carlsberg Jacobsen Brewhouse Vintage Number 2 is sold for a whopping $317 per bottle. The brewery uses a special peat-smoked malt from Scotland that lends a smokey chocolate flavor and is stored in French oak casks for 100 days. The midnight black beer is limited to 600 bottles and each bottle is hand stenciled by artist Marco Evaristti with an elephant being a recurring motif. For $317, we can get about four kegs -- 80 gallons -- of Bud Select. Sure, it's Bud Select, but after the first gallon or so, our taste buds go numb anyway.
5. In February, a passenger on Dublin-based Ryanair enjoyed an expensive meal during his flight from Poland to the United Kingdom, but instead of choosing the chicken salad or ham and cheese, this brilliant passenger ate a lottery ticket worth about $12,600. After purchasing the lottery ticket in-flight, he discovered the scratch-off was a winner, the flight attendants had no way to pay off the claim immediately. Angered by the delay, the unnamed passenger chose to eat the ticket.