Cheap Bastard

Parkit Market Is A One-Stop-Lunch Shop For The Frat Crowd

Driving down Greenville the other day, a sign caught my eye: homemade sandwiches. Does that mean somebody makes sandwiches at his house and then brings them here and sells them to me a few hours later? Better question: Is somebody's home making these sandwiches? Subquestion: How much do you pay a home for that kind of service? Whatever it costs, I'm fully prepared to pay my house to put on an apron and start making me a damned panini.

Further detectiving proved that Parkit Market A) sells sandwiches that they make to order on site; B) has, unlike Quesa-D-Ya's, mastered the "misspelling a name of an establishment because it's awesomer that way"; C) also sells kegs and liquor; and D) most definitely has a dude standing in front of it who's going for an index-finger-deep crack scratch.

They were boasting a bologna and cheese sandwich as the daily special, but even if that's the best bologna and cheese sandwich ever, end of the day it's still made with bologna, which is just a meatfest of assholes and elbows. Don't feel like eating butt today, so I'm gonna pass. Instead, let's eat the Mom's Chopped Beef Sandwich Combo ($4.79 and includes chips, drink and a sandwich that's all beefy and barbecue-y, plus it has sweet relish and hot sauce on what appears to be a Mrs. Baird's hamburger bun). It was smaller than I expected, which I guess was just "Mom's" way of saying, "All right, Tubtown, let's not blame me for your fatassedness."

That sandwich was yummy. And when I paired it with the vodka I bought from them it totally gave me that straight-from-Mom warm fuzzy.

Only downside of this place is the frat crowd. This is a one-stop shopping center for a fratty. In addition to the Parkit Market's offerings ranging from the aforementioned sandwiches, liquor and kegs ("Awww, yeah! Natty Keg Night!"), the other stores in the center include: Knockouts Haircuts for Men (for that rad-ass haircut that makes the babes swoon), dry cleaners ("Extra starch on that Polo collar.") and a florist (for that "Sorry I yarfed Natty all over your face while we were making out" apology bouquet). Fair. Warning.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade

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