OK, this national food holiday thing is officially out of control. The Internet tells us that May has 10 different National Food Month options for you to choose from, actually including:
National Asparagus Month National Barbecue Month National Salad Month National Salsa Month National Strawberry Month National Mediterranean Diet Month National Hamburger Month National Egg Month National Gazpacho Aficionado Month National Chocolate Custard Month
I will now ask the serious, hard-hitting question: What the hell, people?
Even if we take the giant leap and accept that we need national food months, what in the balls is the point of naming a dang national food month if you won't decide on one thing to celebrate? Did they just let everyone in? How the hell did National Gazpacho Aficionado Month get invited to the party? I assume National Gazpacho Month applied, and The Board Of People Who Decide Which National Holiday Months Get To Be National Holiday Months was like, "No way. But, National Gazpacho AFICIONADO Month? OH HELLZ YES."
There are contenders in the group that definitely make sense: National Barbecue Month in May seems like the obvious choice (if we're not considering National Barbecue Year), and even National Hamburger Month in May seems like a home run. I could even go with National Strawberry Month. Possibly.
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But National Asparagus Month? Seriously? Maybe -- maaaaaaybe you could sway me to consider National Asparagus Day. Or National Asparagus Half Day. But, 31 days of celebrating asparagus? That's way too much love for asparagus (and asparagus' inevitable after effect: pissparagus).
Maybe I'm alone on this. Maybe nobody thinks it should be National Barbecue Month and everyone thinks we should be celebrating National Salad Month. In any case, we'll all be better off if we can focus on one National Food Month for May. Let's take a vote. Which Food Thing do you want to celebrate for the entire month of May? There can be only one.
In the meantime, while we wait for results you get to use May as a Choose Your Own National Food Month Adventure, I guess. Just consider the air quality of your cubemates and work from home for a month if you choose National Egg Month, 'k?