Cheap Bastard

Review: Fish Bone Grill

Crabs cheersing beer on the menu directly under "juniors get 1.00 off any lunch item" count: 2

A/C unit out count: 1

So, what are you supposed to do when you simultaneously get the urges to punch and hug one of the waitresses at Joe's Crab Shack as she halfheartedly line dances to the Black Eyed Peas? I go with punch every time, but I'm still curious about what the "right" thing to do is. Don't get me wrong—I don't mean I punch them like I want to fight them—this is more of a "punch the smarts into you" kind of punch. Like a "Why are you working here? Don't you know that you can be the same amount of ugly and get paid twice as much to dance with no rhythm and serve fish up at Babydolls?" love punch. But, maybe once you take away all the choreographed dance numbers and ridiculous STD joke T-shirts ("I got crabs, y'all! Get it??? They're itchy, but they taste real good fried!"), maybe there's something really cool about serving people the kind of food you know they just can't help but inhale to their heart's discontent. And, if that's the case, then go work at Fish Bone Grill. You get all the awesome fish-serving capabilities, minus the hokey chain factor. Don't worry—you'll still get your marina theme and the opportunity to make as many crab jokes as you want. There just won't be a conga line at the end of it all.

So, let's get to it: Fish Bone Grill has about 20 lunch specials that'll cost you less than seven bucks. Half of them are grilled or blackened, and half of them are totally friggity fried. I had the popcorn shrimp special, which comes with fries and hush puppies. Sodas are self-serve from the fountain, and beer is available if it's lunchtime party time. They have just enough tables outside to say that they have a patio, but since I'm not big on parking lot-watching, I found a seat inside at the bar. When my shrimp special arrived, I immediately dunked a popcorn shrimp in the cocktail sauce and downed it. And I was so happy that I did. Yum. The shrimp alone were really great, the fries were good, and, oh my God, the hush puppies were amazing. I wish they'd add a hush puppy special to their menu that just comes with 50 hush puppies, a vat of tartar sauce and a fried-food-coma blankie to curl up and cuddle with. Probably too good to be true.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade