Mom made your lunch with all her heart.
Mom made your lunch with all her heart.

A new study conducted by UT researcher Fawaz Almansour finds that today's power parents are the worst lunch-packers ever.

Sack Up, Y'all: Five Cut-the-Crap Tips for Packing School Lunches


"The main finding of our study is that more than 90 percent of perishable items were at an unacceptable temperature -- according to USDA guidelines -- an hour and a half before lunch," Almansour tells USA Today.

They're also saying the insulated bags parents are using, when put in a fridge at school, are keeping the food inside the bag insulated from the refrigerator they're in. Just like they're supposed to, right?

USA Today suggests that "one possible solution might be to put the lunch in a paper bag, and transport it to the day care center in an insulated cooler, but remove the paper bag from the container and place it in the refrigerator once at the day care." Another solution might be to give us a fucking break.

Is packing a preschooler's lunch really that hard, folks? Yes? Well, luckily we're here to help. 

After the jump, our list of five cut-the-crap tips for packing a school lunch:


If you know your kid's lunch is going into a refrigerator when it gets to school, put it in a paper bag. Newsflash: Paper bags are already reusable. You don't have to use a new one every damned day. Plus, they make way better hand puppets than those stupid insulated bags.

Warm bologna sandwiches are fusgusting.
Warm bologna sandwiches are fusgusting.

This is a fruit. It's good for your kid. Try it.
This is a fruit. It's good for your kid. Try it.

PB&J. It's not that hard, y'all.
PB&J. It's not that hard, y'all.


When you see some nasty food in your lunch, do what the rest of us have done for decades before you and throw it in the trash. Then, suck up to the lunch lady and get some free food that won't make you vom. Good job. Now go learn how to shit in a toilet.

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