Seeking Redemption Through M&M Candy Corn And Failing Horribly

See also: *Candy Corn Oreos Will Enter Our World on September 10 And, of course: *Candy Corn: The Worst Halloween Candy in the History of Ever

I wanted this to be a positive piece, but I'm sad to report that the news here is not good. In fact, let it serve as a warning.

Candy corn takes a good beating on this blog. A really good beating. Nick Rallo recently used the term "licking a dentist chair" to describe these seasonal candies of three brilliant colors. And, while somehow I could get that metaphor, it didn't deter me. Licking a dentist chair isn't the worst thing that could happen to a person.

So, when I came upon the new, limited edition M&M Candy Corn, I felt the bag would run a block pattern down the middle for me and together we'd gain some yards. The white chocolate threw me off, but I was still confident.

The math was simple. I love M&M's, and I love candy corn. Equals two, right? Nope. I popped four in my mouth and about a minute later I had what tasted like a factory on my tongue. The candies start as white chocolate, are then covered in candy corn and all of that is coated with the candy shell. Together, it's horrid. My grandmother used to live near oil refineries and a paper plant and some days the smell was a poisonous toxic mess -- for some reason the vision of those refineries and plants came to mind.

These were more like licking an oil refinery. In which case, you're better off licking a dentist chair.

You've been warned.

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Lauren Drewes Daniels is the Dallas Observer's food editor. She started writing about local restaurants, chefs, beer and kouign-amanns in 2011. She's driven through two dirt devils and is certain they were both some type of cosmic force.

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