Seven Valentine Suggestions for That Special Some-Guy in Your Life

It's time the guys got a little attention on Valentine's Day. The pressure to fork over for chocolates, roses, diamonds, a week's salary on a "special" V Day prix fixe meal that many would consider highway robbery weighs on a brother. After all, you love us as much as we love you, right? Right?

That's what we thought. Below are seven suggestions your man would probably appreciate more than seeing you wrestle with a lobster shell while counting the bits of food in your teeth.

Beer Him

"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy," Benjamin Franklin once said. A homebrewing kit from Homebrew Headquarters in Richardson would be proof of your love. Or if he'd rather just sit on his ass and drink the labors of someone else's love, Samuel Adams has a gift basket intended to enhance his beer-drinking experience, with salami, gouda, pistachios, dark chocolate and a pair of Perfect Pint glasses -- plus a jar of Hallertau Mittelfrueh hops, the kind used in Boston Lager. Hey, hops are technically flowers. Just make sure his cooler is already well-stocked. He does have a cooler, right? No? Well, then forget those other suggestions.  Here's your gift: The Shoot A Brew Cooler.

Death Star Cookie Jar
For the fanboy in your life. That's no moon. You might like ice cream, but he likes the round, sweet things. Like chocolate chip cookies. Not Princess Leia's buns. Her hair buns, that is. Her other buns? He probably likes those too.

Homemade Car Bomb Cupcakes
Something you love. Something the man loves. Let's get it on. Boom. Just don't wuss out and call them "Peacemaker Cupcakes" in the interest of political correctness. That makes them sound gross.

Meat of the Month Club Membership offers a variety of meat of the month packages. These include organic meat and kosher meat clubs as well as exotic meats Python! Llama! Yak! The prices range from barely affordable to "See that ring on your finger? It broke me, but it cost nothing next to a year's worth of game."

Whether the 'cue hails from Salt Lick, Coopers or any legendary Hill Country shack, he'll be happy with finger-lickin' awesomeness shipped straight from Central Texas. Or better yet, let him have a hall pass so he can make his own damn pilgrimage down to Lockhart with his friends.

A Laser-Sighted Crossbow

The great Ted Nugent once claimed that his idea of fast food was an elk. If you and your man want to go pull a Nuge and become extreme locavores, a laser-sighted crossbow makes the perfect gift -- just don't leave any apples sitting around the house.

A Trained Hunting Eagle
See above.


KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Noah Bailey and Jose Ralat Maldonado