Something, 'riting and 'rithmatic

There was a day, we're told, when stern instructors forced the fabled "three R's" on students who walked varying distances through the remnants of vicious blizzards (or ravaging locusts, I forget which) for lessons. Then Baby Boomers, unwilling to subject their own kids to little traumas that may affect self-actualization and all that crap, took over.

As a result, apparently, some of today's young professionals have trouble deciphering even the most basic commentary in a restaurant review. Case in point, this bit from Bill Addison's summary of Soley! in the Dallas Morning News: "And at the other end of the gamut lies a filet mignon with grilled shrimp and chipotle potato gratin, which is in no way offensive, but the flavors fall into the dull quagmire of continental cuisine."

Immediately after this "endorsement" was published, filet mignon became one of the restaurant's best selling items, according to a manager. No one understood the connotation of "quagmire" he says. He even queried folks at a nearby wine bar full of up-market types to prove the point, with 100 percent guessing it meant something pretty damned good.

Oh, well. You tried, Bill. --Dave Faries

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