Cheap Bastard

Stupid Starbucks Raises Its Stupid Prices: 10 Better Uses of Your 10 Cents

Starbucks is raising their prices, y'all. I had no idea brown water could cost as much as it already does, and now they're raising the price?

This is a bunch of bologna sandwich.

The Wall Street Journal says that the change "raises the cost of a 'tall,' or 12-ounce, coffee in some New York City stores by 10 cents to $1.85. Not all sizes will see price increases." Prices will also increase in Dallas, Atlanta and other cities across the Northeast and the Sun Belt.

And to that, maybe you say, "Oh, 10 cents? That's not much." But, you're wrong. It's much.

Here are 10 better uses of your extra 10 cents than spending it on stupid fucking Starbucks:

1. Snapping 10 pennies in a singing barista's face.

2. Getting an extra Skittle on your froyo at Yogurtland. (Red.)

3. Scratching off a losing lottery ticket.

4. Making 10 wishes in a fountain, including, "Please let all the Starbuckses turn into Crystal's Pizzas one day."

5. Having a long conversation with FDR about how ordering a "tall" instead of a "small" is stupid.

6. Ten-penny Jenga.

7. Sending it to Sarah McLaughlin's sad dogs and cats thing.

8. Dropping 10 pennies on the ground so that you can come back later, pick them up and have 10 days of good luck.

9. Buying an ounce of gasoline for your Hummer.

10. Taking 10 Abraham Lincolns to Babydolls.

There are plenty of places in Dallas where you can buy an actually delicious cup of coffee and still have money left over to treat some dead presidents to a couple lap dances. Make sure you're getting the most out of that spare change, Aters.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade