Super Bowl Haters: Here are Five Shows (Plus Appetizer Ideas) for You

February 6, you could get together with a bunch of friends to eat wings and yell at the Super Bowl on Fox. Or, you could not. If you're anti-Super Bowl, here's a list of five other shows you could watch, plus ideas for some crowd-pleasing coordinating appetizers.

Animal Planet: Puppy Bowl VII. TV Guide says, "Adorable puppies romp around a miniature football field in the seventh annual adoption fair for shelter pets, which also features kittens and baby chicks." Check out the complete, ridiculously adorable starting line-up here. Our money's on Oliver. Suggested appetizer: Chili served in dog bowls.

CMT: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team marathon. It's a reality show about picking Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. They even promise a "kick line and flying splits." Sounds like they've distilled the Super Bowl down to its hottest moments. Plus cat fights. Suggested appetizer: Anything with ranch dressing or tuna fish.

FIT TV: Half Ton Mom. The show follows an almost 900-pound 29-year old woman on her journey to lose weight through gastric bypass. If that makes you hungry, we've got some ideas for you. Suggested appetizer: McDonald's Bacon Angus Chipotle BBQ burger, Snuffer's cheese fries (fully loaded) and an entire Taco Bell including the drive-through windows.

MSNBC: Sex Slaves: The Teen Trade. Followed by Sex Slaves In The Suburbs and Undercover: Sex Slaves: Texas, then Trafficked: Slavery in America, then end with a finale of Predator Raw: The Unseen Tapes 3 (outtakes from To Catch A Predator). Don't worry, if you're still watching, The Unseen Tapes 4 is on after that. Suggested appetizer: If you're a parent, serve up anything your kids want, just so long as they never, ever leave the house. If you're a non-parent...starve, scumbag. We know why you're watching.

TLC: Toddlers & Tiaras marathon. The prequel to Sex Slaves in the Suburbs! No, we kid. It's a reality show about kids who participate in pageants and the parents who are dumb enough to spend thousands of dollars for the chance to win $500. But, you gotta love seeing all those fake tans and fake smiles on a bunch of 5-year-olds. Suggested appetizer: Mountain Dew, strong coffee and jalapeno poppers with sharp cheddar cheese -- or anything else that can get the bad taste out of your mouth.

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade