Cheap Bastard

Tell The Mother of Meat Fight Where She Should Eat Her Last Meat Meal

I've decided to go vegetarian for a month. Which wouldn't really be that big of a deal, except that I love meat so hard. I love meat so much, I helped create a barbecue competition called Meat Fight.

What drove me to this meatless idea? The taste of Matt McCallister's Christmas Tree. After eating that morel, and drinking a bunch of wine, I was drunk enough on veggies and booze to make this idea seem fun.

I'm not going vegetarian because I'm against the consumption of bacon. I love bacon. And I'm not going vegan, because cheese y'all. This will be four weeks of Level One Vegetarianism. I'll leave the rennet omission and dairy omission to the pros. It's going to be hard enough for me to cut out chicken. And that's barely even a real meat.

I love meat so much that when my friends heard I was going vegetarian for a month, they sent me concerned texts.

They posted concern on my Facebook page.

They immediately promised to send me photos of meat every day, and started with today.

I stop eating meat on Tuesday. Because stopping before Memorial Day weekend would be un-American.

This means that I have some time for Last Meat Meals before my meat fast. I now turn to you, friendly carnivores, for suggestions. Where should I go for my last chance at charcuterie, hamburgers, ribs and other meaty meats?

My top five favorite meat moments, in order:

1) Brisket 2) Charcuterie times 3) Steak 4) Bacon 5) Raw seafood (Which I wouldn't even normally count as meat, but apparently vegetarians do count fish as meat, so I can't have that, so I'm already annoyed. I was banking on salmon, oysters and mussels being at least three vegetable food groups.)

OK, Dallas. Tell me: Where's the best place for a Last Meat Meal?

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade

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