Ten Predictions for 2013 That are Almost as Exciting as a Kardashian-West Baby

1. Taco Bell rolls out the Cool Ranch taco shell, as posted on Facebook just this morning. Don't tease, Taco Bell. Please, don't tease.

2. The onomatopoeia "meh" to describe food dies in a horrid hot glue-gun accident. Bonus: it's replaced with a word as resplendent as "onomatopoeia."

3. Pictures of pink slime go away for good and instead we all just promise not to sneak gross animal by-products into our food -- when we're not expecting it anyway (see item number 1).

4. Gestation crates continue to go away as well, and instead we all just promise to be decent about things. On another note: Last week I saw an actual real baby pig. "Sprinkels" was cute and playful. I'm conflicted.

5. Twinkies gets bought out by a distillery (preferably local) that tweaks the cream filling recipe ever so slightly and introduces rumkies, bourbonkies and the like. Sack lunches would be so much funner.

6. The phrase "farm-to-table" flies the coop and we no longer imply that vegetables might come from places other than farms. (Yes, I was probably guilty of this, but please don't search it. I'm admitting it here.)

7. Pizza Hut stops dilly-dallying around about it and stuffs an entire pig into a pizza. "Pig-stuffed pan crust."

8. A pickling food trend? Really? Pickling was created to preserve food that's out of season and, mostly, as a matter of survival. Pickling has its place in the world, but not as an entire trend. The coup will be if there's a pickling food truck.

9. On that note, some predict food trucks will begin to fade this year. I hope not. They definitely serve a purpose in many situations. And, like anything else, if the truck is run well (that implies good food), then they'll be successful. I just pity the operators. Seems like an exhausting job.

10. Anthony Bourdain continues to be Anthony Bourdain. I'm way behind the curve here as I don't watch a lot of the tele, but he did a live chat on Gawker recently where he rapid-fired off-the-cuff responses and dodged no bullets, including this:

I'm averse to clean, well organized and functioning societies. Just the way I am. I tend towards hot, messy, dysfunctional ones that barely hold together -- with spicy food, palm trees, (and) passion.

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