If civilization does collapse on Friday, December 21, 2012, which is the day the Mayans were all like Hey guys! Earth's gonna explode in a fiery saucer of flames and stuff!, then any remaining future humans (or any aliens stopping on the burnt husk of Earth to take a leak) will be able to read the signs that predicted the end: the ridiculous fast food trends of 2012.
See also: - The 10 Worst Fast Food Trends of 2011
In 2010, we got such gems as the KFC Double Down, and in 2011 Taco Bell decided go ahead and test the taco with the shell made of Doritos. Well, sweet fancy Moses 2012, you really stepped it up this year. You are the galloping, burning-horse-of-a-year that saw a Hobbit-themed Denny's menu, a Pizza Hut presidential debate challenge and a mothafuckin' fast food burger with pumpkin.
If this is to be the final few weeks of our lives here on Earth, one certainly can't argue fast food didn't go out with a bang. For now, we're pointing our finger at you, This Year. Here are the most insane, over-the-top conceptual abominations and trends of 2012:
10. The Deep Fried McRib Clearly, something was missing from the original McRib sandwich. "Oh, I know," McDonald's Austria shouted, "let's deep fry it!" And that's what McDonald's Austria did. And added to the evil: bacon and cheese. Pretty sure this was warned against on some ancient scrolls. Also? It was named "McRibster."
9. The Absurdly Gourmet Fast Food Burger Not to be outdone by restaurants that serve actual food, Wendy's Japan added a burger with lobster. Then, they topped it with caviar and made it $16 (U.S.). And that was after slapping foie gras on their notably square burgers and continuing the running marketing strategy: Why the hell not, right?
8. The Jack in the Box Waffle Breakfast Sandwich This one seems pretty harmless in the face of dyed buns and fried McRibs, but it's a perfect example of annoying growing trend: the Let's Swap Out the Bun for Food That's Already a Meal. The above sandwich is a new release from Jack in the Box, which is egg, cheese and sausage between "two lightly sweetened maple waffles." This sandwich, by the way, has 268 mg of cholesterol. For breakfast.
7. The Pizza Hut Overstuffed Pizza Why did they overstuff it? Why couldn't they just normal stuff it? Third question: Why do we have to stuff our food with more, other foods?
6. The Taco Bell Shell Made of Cool Ranch Doritos After the great meat fiasco of 2011, in which Taco Bell's meat was discovered to be less "meat" and more ground gym mats or something, what did they do? They followed up their blockbuster 2012 release of the Doritos Locos Taco with a Cool Ranch version. It actually happened. It wasn't a dream.
5. KFC Philippines "Streetwise" Cheese Top Burger This one deserves its own place on the list. We still have so many questions! What about cheese melted crudely on top of a burger bun is "Streetwise"? How do you eat it? Why didn't they put the cheese on the burger?
4. The Ridiculously Expensive Delivery Pizza This is Domino's Prestige Quattro pizza, which is not a sequel to the 2006 Hugh Jackman film. It had snow crab, truffles, some fancy-ass pork and it cost $50 (U.S.).
3. The Grand Canyon Burger at McDonald's Japan McDonald's bizarre Big America 2 campaign, which featured four Hulk-fist sized America-themed burgers (the "Texas 2" burger featured "flavors of the Lone Star State with spicy chili beans"). We'll look past those for a minute to marvel at the absurd, looks-like-it-was-built-by-a-stoned-high-schooler Grand Canyon burger. It's got egg, mozzarella, cheddar cheese and steak sauce with soy and liquid smoke.
2. The Star Wars Burger Line, Including the "Dark Vador" So here's what you're looking at: The Frenchy-Belgiany fast food chain Quick, in honor of the Star Wars: Episode One Phantom Menace Shit Show in the Three Dimensions released earlier this year, created burgers with a dyed-pitch black bun. As Yoda would say, disgusting, this looks.
1. Pizza Hut's Crown Crust Pizza & Hot Dog Stuffed Pizza Well, you win, North Texas-based Pizza Hut. With this many ridiculous entries on the list (global ones at that), we have to crown crust you as the winner. Specifically, we recognize Jabba the Pizza Hut for the following two releases: 1. The Crown Crust Pizza, which had a crust made of tiny burgers. 2. The Hot Dog Stuffed Crust Pizza, which had a HOT DOG STUFFED CRUST. And, as you can see, the mustard drizzle.
Congratulations Pizza Hut Worldwide for adding greatness to our world. Now, with that said: Mayor Mike, what can we do to get Hot Dog Crust Pizza over to Dallas?