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The Food of Denton's Arts and Jazz Festival

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The Arts and Jazz Festival should be called the My Chest Will Hurt On Monday Convention. Taking a step into city limits, you're olfactory sense is assaulted with the undeniable, comforting aroma of all things battered and fried.

If only Village Voice Media would invest in smell-o-vision.

Even the cupcakes were smellable from across the grounds. God bless that cupcake stand.

Yes, I would like a basket of fried potatoes with some fish fried in cornmeal, and some fried cornmeal balls and three nitroglycerin tabs, please.

If I'm ever lost in the desert and stumble upon this sign, I will know the end is near. And I will welcome it completely. There is nothing better than a festival corndog.

Perhaps the winner of the "FIND THAT SMELL" contest, a pile of fried onion strings seasoned with a metric ton of garlic salt, fresh parmesan and... what is that? Green stuff? Take that away, this is JazzFest dammit.

Not to be confused with the garlic parmesan fries. These are 100% worth stealing if left unattended...or from a small child. Or from a small unattended child. Of which there were plenty.

I like to call this the Giant Potato Swirly Thing. That may or may or not have to do with the massive amount of beer consumed.

What you've just witnessed is the steps involved in creating a Drumstick out of a giant wedge of cheesecake. God Bless America.

So Roasty. So Season Salty. So Cornrific.

Spicy gumbo with rice, served in a styrofoam cup and garnished with a plastic spoon. Pour into open mouth, swallow, repeat....for three days.

Pick your meat pile. Mix the wafting aroma of grilled beef, pork and onions with fried dough and sugar and you have what should be the world's best smelling candle.

Stab meat with a stick, place over fire. Nice to see our primitive ways have survived years of scientific interruptions. Two meats on sticks, please.

Roasted nuts glazed with cinnamon, sugar and a thousand sprinkles of fairy dust. I could smell these from my house.

Elk Brats served with grilled onions and a hearty handshake from the guy who probably killed that Elk himself. He was oddly cuddly.

Let's revisit Giant Potato Swirly Thing, shall we? GPST can be modified to fit your fattest needs; add bacon and drippy, salty cheese and you've got yourself a one-way ticket to nap town.

This is real. Tell them what you want to be fried and they will fry it for you. Snickers? Wish granted. Twinkie? Why the hell not. Oreos? More like Ore-no. Fried Green Tomatoes? Not only the best movie ever, but a delicious festival treat.

The (F)Arts and Jazz Festival is done for 2012, and the thousands of food and fun fans have (hopefully) returned home with full bellies and empty wallets. Here's to hoping 2013 can fry up some more awesomeness and satisfy this insatiable fried fixation.

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