I was all hyped up to eat lunch at ChaCha's—which surprisingly (and disappointingly) is not a gentleman's club, but instead was a kickass-lookin' Mexican restaurant I'd spotted right across from Keller's—and then I got there and the place is closed. Directly below the window paint that shouts, "Nice People!" it says, "FOR LEASE." This is getting depressing, Dallas. (Snaps twice in Big D's face.) Hello? D-Town, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you. Could you put down the Droid and take off the aviators for just a second and listen? Thanks. (Punches Dallas directly in brow lift, then slams Dallas' tribal tattoo in the Escalade door and serves up a double Texas Twister for Dallas' fake-tanned fake honkers.) That's for closing down all my favorite little mom-and-pop eateries. I hate you. And I threaten you: If you close down Tony's Pizza & Pasta, I will burn down NorthPark mall, starting with every store that sells Ralph Lauren.
After the supreme letdown that was ChaCha's, I needed quick confirmation that Dallas still has some places that offer seriously good food for seriously cheap. Baked ravioli and all-I-could-eat garlic bread knots with marinara all for about eight bucks at Tony's Pizza & Pasta was the clear choice. (There are literally pages of menu items at this place for around five bucks. And they're not just lunch specials. Tony's is now my go-to Italian restaurant when I'm in the Area Formerly Known as the ChaCha's Area.) All told, I ate approximately 50 pounds of knots. I love them so much I want to dive in face first and roll around in them like dogs roll around in poop. The ravioli was super-delicious, and although I was worried that it wasn't going to be enough food when they delivered it (because you only get like four or five ravioli in a sea of mozzarella and marinara) it was actually the perfect amount considering that the garlic knots had gone from appetizer to app/entree/side/dessert.
I loved Tony's Pizza & Pasta. Not only was this restaurant family-friendly, Visa-friendly and stuffing-face-friendly, it also helped me work toward my New Year's resolution to gain approximately a Backstreet Boy of poundage this year. Jillian Michaels' man face can suck my butt.