This year, like most years, the multi-million-dollar-slinging advertising competition known as the Super Bowl was largely dominated by those in the motor vehicle category. But if you were paying close attention, somewhere between the David Beckham ogling, flipping back and forth from the Super Bowl to the Puppy Bowl and alternating chicken wing and seven-layer dip binge eating, you might have noticed some ads featuring our favorite topic, FOOD.
Here's a rundown of the 10 best.
10. Bel-Vita "Breakfast Police" Two zealous cops from Griffin County, Nebraska eat Bel Vita (not Velveeta) and are armed with the energy and strength to take on their busy day full of catching bunnies, clocking fastballs and saving the public from expired milk. Anyway, the breakfast cookies or whatever they are look decent-tasting.
9 (3-way tie). Doritos "Make Your Own," "Hot Wild Girls" and "Man's Best Friend" Dogs, dogs, babies, babes, birds and gold. That's what Doritos are made of. "Make Your Own" made fun of folks who go home and attempt to recreate the skillet queso from Chili's just so they can pin it on Pinterest. "Hot Wild Girls" has everything necessary for a winning Super Bowl ad: a couch, dogs, hot girls, genie-like action and a misunderstood idiot. And come on, everybody knows that, adorable as they are, Great Danes are too dumb to mastermind some sort of chip blackmail scheme.
8. Dannon Oikos "The Tease" All you need to know about Oikos is John Stamos. He's Greek, so obviously he knows everything about Greek yogurt. For the record, I find the Oikos honey flavor to be fantastic. Dannon even took a page from Doritos and included surprise violence! But either way, Uncle Jesse can feed me a spoonful of whatever he wants.
7. Pizza Hut "Top This Contest" This pregame spot featuring a guy who works for the Defense Department rapping about pizza helped redeem Pizza Hut for their awful $10 pizza Dad spot. That shit was wack. See also: The Pizza Hut pregame commercial featuring members of the 30 Rock cast. Because in it we got to see Tina Fey in all her thong-y spandex-y glory.
6. M&Ms "Ms. Brown" M&M spots are kinda stupid-cute. When Santa Claus gets scared and passes out? I mean, come on. But what I liked about this spot was not the LMFAOverkill or the wiggling. It was the fact that the light brown M&M is really BACK! I have always thought the light brown was the most delicious. So there you have it.
5. Pepsi "King's Court" [Insert Elton John is an old queen joke here.] In this spot Elton John's the bad guy. And he has to spend time with Flava Flav as a punishment for denying his subjects delicious, cold and refreshing Pepsi? Yeah, that would be torture. Also, Elton > Regis, but only slightly, and mostly due to the costuming.
4. Bud Light "Weego" This spot teaches us to rescue dogs so they can become our slaves, bringing us beer on command. Welcome to the future! Okay, actually the dog that plays "Weego" is totally adorable and clearly very well trained. Good dog.
3. Fiat 500 Abarth "Seduction" Um, I'm pretty sure this spot had a cappuccino in it, so it counts. And that chick speaking Italian beats J-Lo yapping about the block or whatever -- hands down. Cold shower says what!? And THAT is how you do a sex-driven spot, idiot bastards at Go Daddy. Now, I'm going to need a strong cappuccino. ASAP.
2. Chevy Silverado - "End of the World" So I'm picking this for the last-second Twinkie mention. Yep. And it's a funny joke. Because everybody knows that when the world ends, only Twinkies and Miracle Whip and Michael Jackson's heavily-preserved carcass will survive.
1. Budweiser "Eternal Optimism" Because Prohibition-era drinking is SO hot right now. Right, Chesterfield, People's Last Stand, Tate's and Cedars Social? This spot was my favorite, and I'm not even a beer fan. But what I am is a sucker for both optimism and awesome music mashups (shout out to Glee). This one mashed "She Sells Sanctuary" by the Cult with "Good Feeling" by Flo Rida (not to be confused with Ore-Ida).
$425 million later, does anybody even care who won the game? Whatever, I'm hungry.