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Top 5 Things To Do With Halloween Candy
After October 31

This year, we saw no more than 15 trick-or-treaters come to the door -- at that wasn't even at our own house, but an an organized trick-or-treat event. At home, there were seriously, zero children out roaming the streets for sweet treats. Now we're left with a bucket of pre-packaged sugar and nothing to do with it...except:

5. DIY crafting session - Decorate leftover pumpkins with it. You might choose Raisinettes or M&Ms for more autumn-appropriate decor, but in our house, every day is a fucking party, so...Chiquita Pumpkin Runt.

4. Man vs. Candy - Organize an eating contest -- we can offer up our own Jesse Hughey and Patrick Michels if you need ringers -- or just use a feigned adoration of Adam Richman as excuse to gorge yourself with some sort of deadline, for no real reason, in front of your neighbors.

3. Use it for batting practice -- Warm up your eatin' arm and perfect a new pasttime by having your buddy toss peanut butter cups at you while you try to hit them back in his mouth with a spoon, spatula or other instrument that preferably isn't connected to your person. It's like a drinking game: If you're good at it, you'll probably still vomit, but without the possibility of alcohol poisoning.

2. Make it Halloween all year -- Think about it -- someone comes to your door at least once a business day, right? Confuse mail carriers and delivery people by demanding, "Now, what do you say?!" before shoving handfuls into their delivery bags/pouches/pockets.

1. Take it to work -- This really isn't a humorous option, but it's totally realistic. Hell, we brought all our sweet shit up to the office today and it's taken all of about four hours for candy, brownies and cupcakes to disappear before it could go straight to our hips. Plus, it makes work way more fun if everyone else is on a sugar high. It also increases the probability that your boss will understand when he catches you in a crash-nap post-Snickers time. No promises, but it's possible.

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