Top Chef Seattle: Danyele McPherson Packs Knives, Goes.

If you guessed that Danyele McPherson would get kicked off of Top Chef for flipping the double bird at Gail Simmons and punching Joshua Valentine in his Valentines after Hulk-smashing the entire Top Chef kitchen, you'd be almost right.

The scene actually went like this: She made a dish using blueberries, the judges didn't like it. They sent her home and she walked out totally calmly and professionally. (At least she called Valentine a dickhead before her time on the show was over. "Over your head, dickhead!" should be on a shirt. Someone get on that.)

And then everyone in America went all Darth Vader "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" and cried angry tears and punched their TVs.

Instead of keeping Danyele on the show, they kept Josie. What a bummer. Josie's food apparently out-performed Danyele's on this episode, but personality-wise, they're making Josie look like the Guy Fieri of this season of Top Chef. Here's some evidence from next week, including more eye-rolls than a room of tweens listening to a birth control lecture.

I fully expect Donkey Sauce to show up in her next dish. On the plus side, she'll likely piss Josh Valentine off enough for him to explode into a foam rage at some point, so we can look forward to that.

During the elimination challenge, Tesar made a chorizo soup that the judges didn't have great things to say about, and that landed him in the bottom of the group. Stefan won the title for best dish comment, saying of Tesar's soup, "I wouldn't flush my poop with it." Great. Now I want a list of things Stefan would flush his poop with.

We're so sad you had to leave the show, Danyele McPherson. But, you did Dallas proud.

And Dallas, if you'd like McPherson to call you a dickhead in person, visit The Grape Restaurant, where she's currently the chef de cuisine.

Predictions for next week: Tesar and Valentine chocolate-syrup wrestle. Entire cast participates in a Christmas performance of Carol of the Bells. Guest Judge is Justin Beiber's premier pube.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade