Please save the season and freak out in some entertaining way, Valentine. We beg of you.
Please save the season and freak out in some entertaining way, Valentine. We beg of you.

Top Chef Seattle: Please Explode Soon, Valentine. You're Our Only Hope.

Tesar spent all week begging for #savechefjohn votes to get him back onto Top Chef, but unfortunately he didn't earn enough votes to make it. Probably because he turned down my terms:

Top Chef Seattle: Please Explode Soon, Valentine. You're Our Only Hope.
Top Chef Seattle: Please Explode Soon, Valentine. You're Our Only Hope.

Bet he's regretting that choice. He did, however, agree to twirl Valentine's 'stache on the reunion show, so we can all look forward to that fist fight.

Top Chef Seattle: Please Explode Soon, Valentine. You're Our Only Hope.
Top Chef Seattle: Please Explode Soon, Valentine. You're Our Only Hope.

Unfortunately, buncha nothing happened on Top Chef again.

Instead of recapping the boring QuickFire sponsored by Canada Dry and the boring pre-episode-to-the-actual-Restaurant-Wars-episode that they gave us this week, I give you a much-more-entertaining-to-watch montage of cats puking to the beat of Deadmau5:

You should also know that everyone said "elevated" when describing their food about one million times. Apparently, nobody makes regular food anymore -- they always claim it's an "elevated take" on whatever crap it is they're selling. "This is an elevated take on the Kraft Mac N Cheese and hot dogs my mom used to make." "I present to you, an elevated take on a poop sandwich." Pretty sure the word "elevated" must've sponsored the show this week.

Hopefully, next week Valentine will get mad at someone and things will get interesting again.

Predictions for next week: Restaurant Wars involves real warriors with swords and breastplates, Valentine yells at someone for stealing his pickles, Tesar can be seen in the background hoarding pickles and laughing maniacally.

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