Yogilicious: Dessert for Lunch? Sure, Why Not?


Some people count yogurt as a meal. I call those people shartfaces. They say shit like, "It's good for you if you're trying to cut calories," and "It builds healthier skin!" Translation: "I'm so bulimic I just ate my own vomit and vomited it back up! I love being bloated-skinny!" I don't hate yogurt; I just won't waste an entire lunch on old milk. So, I ate a giant lunch, and then I went to Yogilicious, because let's be clear here: Frozen yogurt's a meal only for pussies. But pussies need cheap places to eat too. So, here goes.

When you walk into Yogilicious, I know you're expecting to be surrounded by a bunch of hot, shredded yogis. But you won't be. Instead, you'll find a self-serve frozen yogurt buffet. And much like a salad buffet, you pick a container, fill it and then they charge you by weight at the end of the line. Only, instead of gross vegetables and old-timey people and bad lighting, you get flavors like strawberry and cookies 'n' cream, and you get hip-hop music and free Rockband on a flat screen. Win. Get one flavor or go old-school-roller-skating-rink like I did and mix together all the flavors in one bucket and make yourself a Suicide. (Damn, I miss Josey Skate Land.) After you get your yogurt, tap your container on the counter to maximize topping space (a skill taught to me by a slightly manic-looking yogurt junkie just before she twitched-out all high on mochi, which is some weird-ass hippie marshmallow made from something more clear and gushy than whatever marshmallows are made of) and head to the toppings bar. Sure, there's fruit. More important, though, there are M&Ms. And yes, there are chunks of New York cheesecake.



3800 McKinney Ave.


Skinny bitches count: 8

Cleanest bathroom in Uptown count: 1

Top wisely. Remember that you're being charged by the ounce. Adding strawberries is the yogurt bar rookie equivalent of forgetting to get your salad dressing on the side at a salad bar. Go with the strawberry syrup. Or better yet, the mini M&Ms. At 47 cents per ounce, play your toppings right and you can get a barf-ton of yogurt for less than 10 bucks. Make it the dessert to that free lunch your mom bought you in Uptown or go all-out pantywaist and call 20 ounces of peanut butter yogurt with New York cheesecake topping a healthy lunch.

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