This Is What Happens at a Dallas Happy Hour for Psychics

“How much do you know?” the teacher asks. We've arrived five minutes late to a Thursday evening meeting of people who think they’re psychic. It’s held biweekly in a nondescript building in East Dallas.

“How much have you studied?” the teacher asks.

Mark Twain said, “When in doubt, tell the truth.” Heeding Twain’s advice, we say, “Nothing.”

“Can you tell me about when you first realized you were psychics and do your families know?” we ask the teacher and six students participating this night. We're curious, and we sure as heck ain't psychic.

“These are good questions,” the teacher says. “But first let’s talk about grounding.”

Grounding is the first step to opening up your aura, we learn. It’s multilayered. First, close your eyes and breathe heavily until it sounds like panting.

Then you fondle a stone, which may be sacred, or from Big Lots. A light will shoot down your third eye, hard chakra, solar plexus and several other major organs. Next, the light will travel down your legs, through your feet, and into Mother Earth, where it’ll sprout roots.

Then the light goes down to – get this – the earth’s core, and back. You’ll become a beautiful tree and grow projectile flowers and fruit and leaves. We're told it hurts, but only for a second, in the Band-Aid sort of way.

After grounding, teacher feels like someone is trying to come through. Everyone closes their eyes again and she asks the spirits to send signs so that they can hear and see who it is. Turns out it’s Michael the Archangel.

“He’s in the room now,” she says. The lowdown on Michael is he’s a total hottie physically. He’s also omnipresent and barely in the Bible at all.

What about the layperson spirits who come through? Are they real people the psychics can identify and pinpoint?

“Is it ever like, ‘Oh here’s Joe from Des Moines again?'” we ask.

“Oh yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, sometimes, sure," the teacher says. "It depends on the exercise we’re doing, but yeah. In fact, we should do that energy exercise soon, just because, again, I do feel that someone is trying to come through.”

One of the students relays her experience as a lightworker.

“Lightworkers have been ordained since before birth to help suck out fear. It’s a very sacred thing," she says. "Our life on earth and its focus on worldly objects create a sense of amnesia in lightworkers. They forget their abilities to help the earth and all living creatures. When lightworkers forget their true identity and purpose, they feel lost.”

Soon the concept of duality arises.

“We have to have a little bit of light to balance us out. Do I feel comfortable going out and performing an exorcism? No.”

We ask the teacher if she’s ever performed one. She says she hasn’t done an exorcism proper, but she has removed spirits.

“If you see somebody suffering, your job is to relieve them of it. That’s the purpose of duality. Would I have ever thought, five years ago, that I’d be standing in front of you saying this? No. When I was sitting where you are, and we did the exercise where you send and receive energy, I cried –“

There's a wave of knowing "Oh yeahs" from the students.

“I cried because I felt their energy and that overwhelmed me. It was the first time I can consciously know that I felt energy. And I thought, ‘What if this is not good? What if I’m receiving something that is not a delight?’”