Dallas Man Missing After Torrid Affair with Braindead Brewing Burger, Records Show

Exhibit A: The Coma Burger at the Braindead Brewing pub in Deep Ellum, earlier this weekEXPAND
Exhibit A: The Coma Burger at the Braindead Brewing pub in Deep Ellum, earlier this week
Photo Taken from Nick Rallo's Phone

The following are transcripts of emails detailing events that began in Dallas, Texas on March 22, 2015. The emails, obtained by the Observer, outline a possible felonious and deepening romantic plot between a food writer, alias Nick Rallo, and a known cheeseburger in the area. The emails have not been edited, and, in the interest of full transparency, are presented in their entirety.

RE: Meeting up this week

Monday, Mar 24, 2015 at 7:23 PM From: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com) To: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com)

Coma,

Excited meet up tomorrow. Just wanted to confirm a time? Let's have a drink at the bar first.

Looking forward to it,

Nick

***

Monday, Mar 24, 2015 at 10:23 PM From: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com) To: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com)

Yes.

We will discuss more in person. I have big plans for the coming days. Grand plans. Please come to the restaurant around 7:30 p.m? I will see you there.

I have a lot to do this week. I will tell you more in person. Look for me at the bar.

Yours,

The Coma Burger Braindead Brewing Pub, $14 "I come with sweet onion jam, house made pickles, smoked cheddar, crispy shallots, on a bacon and brisket patty"

***

Wedesday, Mar 25, 2015 at 1:05 PM From: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com) To: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com)

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed our meeting. I really think we have something here. You're one of the most composed, thoughtful burgers I've had in a while. You're freshly-ground and loosely-packed, you know? I really like that. I KNOW you do too. You can see it. It's a texture thing. I mean, how often do we get brisket and bacon in a patty that's house ground? Screw it—NEVER.

The butter lettuce and shallots was crisp and decadent, without acting like a overgrown garden. The pickles were bright, earthy even. Sweet potato chips were as fragile as a light bulb.

We should really meet up again.

***

Wed, Mar 18, 2015 at 1:23 PM From: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com) To: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com)

I have been very busy, Nick. Very busy and focused. I have a plan — I'm going to take what makes me a great burger, my composed and perfect recipe, and escape. When you're good at something, you have to hold on to it. You have to keep it secret and safe. Will you come with me? Will you leave with me?

In regards to your previous email, this is very good news. I am glad to hear you are on my side. Were you aware, previously, of the quality of my stout mustard? Of my briny, earthy pickles? The pickles are made here too.

My plans are coming together, and you are on my team. I will signal you, look for a chalk slash on the East-side of the mailbox on Good Latimer. If it is there, enact the Extract Coma Deep Ellum (ECDE) initiative.

Coma

P.S. Bring cash. Do you have cash? Bring some.

***

Wed, Mar 18, 2015 at 1:23 PM From: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com) To: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com)

Yes, the mustard was bold and good! With the pickles, it was like a taser of good acid.

Wait, what's happening? I guess I'm a little confused about what you said in the email. I had a great time meeting up though. Let's meet up again. Also, is everything OK? Your email seemed ... strained. What's Extract Coma Deep Ellum initiative?

-Nick

***

Thursday, Mar 18, 2015 at 11:23 a.m. From: Coma Burger (comaburger@gmail.com) To: Nick Rallo (cheezeburgers4lyfe@gmail.com)

My recipe and composition is in danger of being copied. This level of flavors and textures —crispy shallots, bolts of butter lettuce and smoky cheddar — is too good to be public. People are watching. Starting to notice what's happening here. I must not risk it.

The deadline has been moved up. It's happening tomorrow. Pack a go-bag with to-go silverware, a tent, 4 Tylenol, a ballcap, and Mad Libs. Bring the bag.

I will pick you up. Look for a moving vehicle with a burger at the helm.

This burger will not fall into the wrong hands. I am too good.

End communication.

Communication between the above cheeseburger and the now-missing Nick Rallo are under surveillance, pending investigation. Any with knowledge of the whereabouts of the two should report info to the Braindead Brewing pub in Deep Ellum. Also, while you're there get a burger and the duck-fat fried popcorn.

2625 Main St, Dallas, TX 75226


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