You can’t put a price on happiness — that is, unless your happiness is contingent on receiving a greeting from your favorite celebrity, in which case, somebody already beat you to the punch.
A website called Cameo.com allows users to receive video greetings from celebrities in exchange for a fee that varies by celebrity. Once selected through the website, the celebrity makes a personalized greeting for any occasion, from birthdays and bar mitzvahs to weddings and (we’re a few days late in telling you this) Valentine’s Day. As conventional understanding has it, celebrities will say any phrase of your choosing, as long as it’s not something that would attract ire like, “Hitler had some good ideas” or “Tool’s show at American Airlines Center sort of dragged on.”
Cameo has been rising in popularity, and if you are in the market for a celebrity greeting but also want to support the local industry, here are 10 of the biggest names in North Texas that you can find on Cameo. Along with their fees, of course.
J.J. Barea (Dallas Mavericks) – $75
The Dallas Mavericks point guard has only recently gotten back into the game after suffering a sprained ankle, and with the team busy all through February and March, we wouldn’t count on hearing from him immediately.
Cary Deuber (TV star, Real Housewives of Dallas) – $150
Cary Deuber may have been demoted as a friend this past season, but for the right coin, she can be promoted as your biggest celebrity encounter (that is, if you’ve never met any other celebrity before).
Chris Burney (Bowling for Soup) – $18
There’s a bar in Denton where the Bowling for Soup guitarist hangs out at on a near-daily basis. We’re not sharing that location since artists need as many revenue streams as possible.
Tomi Lahren (Vlogger, conservative political commentator) – $80
If you want to put the $80 to better use, go to Half Price Books and stockpile all the Bill Cosby stand-up cassette tapes. Or do literally anything else.
Burton Gilliam (Actor, Blazing Saddles) – $65
Depending on when you were born, you may remember this guy for his work in Gator. Depending on whether you have access to local TV, you may remember him for his Rodeo Ford commercials. Depending on whether you listen to local country radio stations, you may remember him for his “KHYI 95.3FM The Range” bumpers.
Lisa Loeb (Singer-songwriter, “Stay [I Missed You]”) – $100
People regard Lisa Loeb as a one-hit wonder, but in fairness, that one hit goes pretty hard. Plus, this is a Cameo listing that has cross-appeal to adults and children alike, so she’s clearly doing something right.
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Dallas Lovato (Actress) – $35
As you can probably guess, this is Demi Lovato’s older sister.
Ben Ferguson (Radio host, The Ben Ferguson Show) – $30
Or you could call in to the show, lie to the screener and talk to Ben Ferguson on the air for free.
Danny White (Dallas Cowboys) – $100
If you weren’t old enough to vote between Ronald Reagan and Walter Mondale, this probably won’t stop you in your tracks.
Veronica Avluv (Porn star) – $69
The fee structure for this is just good branding.