Secondhand Rose

In The Mirror Has Two Faces, Barbra Streisand plays Rose Morgan, a Columbia University Romantic literature professor who endures a drab, romanceless life. She lives with her imperious, fault-finding mother, Hannah (Lauren Bacall)–a beautician, no less–and wards off the attentions of a nebbishy suitor (Austin Pendleton) while pining for the…

Coming home, again

It’s Thanksgiving 1972, and a year after returning to his upper-middle-class Texas home, Vietnam vet Jeremy Collier (Emilio Estevez) is still reeling from his war experiences. Living at home and listlessly taking a few community college courses, he has grown only more alienated from normal society. His mother, Maurine (Kathy…

Lost keys

When we first see the character of middle-aged Australian David Helfgott (Geoffrey Rush) in Shine, he’s standing in the driving rain and tapping at the window of a wine bar after closing time. Let inside by a sympathetic waitress, he keeps up a nonstop nonsensical patter that makes him sound…

Joe Bob Briggs

Did you see where the Canadians blew up a decommissioned warship so that it would settle at exactly the right place on the bottom of the ocean? They wanted it to be right next to the other ships they’ve already sunk in the waters between Vancouver Island and the mainland…

Crime doesn’t pay

As Palookaville begins, three wayward city boys–Jerry (Adam Trese), Sid (William Forsythe), and Russell (Vincent Gallo)–chisel their way through the outer wall of what they believe to be a jewelry store, only to find out that they’ve actually broken into the bakery next door. While Sid stands guard, Russell steals…

Joe Bob Briggs

I’ve been watching a bunch of hippie movies from around 1968 to 1973, and I’ve noticed that almost all of them have at least one scene of longhaired, bell-bottomed Disaffected Youths yelling like idiots at a public meeting. It could be a meeting of Army generals or a city council…

Avon calling

Although the hot movie topic for the past year has been Jane Austen, it really should have been William Shakespeare. True, four of Austen’s novels have recently been adapted to the screen, but she hasn’t been nearly as omnipresent as the Bard of Avon nor, Clueless aside, quite so contemporary…

Joe Bob Briggs

Have you noticed how closing times at bars get earlier and earlier? What’s going on here? Certain cities and states now have bars that close at midnight, just like in Communist countries like Sweden. Didn’t we already find out in the 1920s what happens when you monkey with a man’s…

Planet of the apes

Film critics are put in a difficult position when they see a movie that’s well-made but features characters so unbelievably odious you wouldn’t want to spend two minutes with them in real life. Of course, directors including Sam Peckinpah and Martin Scorsese have built legendary careers out of one scumbag…

Guerrillas in their midst

There’s a great line delivered by the Scottish protagonist in Trainspotting: “A lot of people hate the English, but I don’t. The English are just wankers, but what are we? We were colonized by wankers! We can’t even pick a decent culture to be colonized by.” That may be the…

Drink up

Storytellers long ago recognized the fertile ground for plots available at the average neighborhood saloon. A bar can be so many things to different people: a hangout; a pit stop; a place to meet friends, strangers, and lovers, known and unknown. It can be a happy place, or a miserable…

Love story

While it’s true that most filmmakers still keep on-screen gay romance in the hand-holding stage, the viewer who yearns to savor a little bit of tenderness between same-sex lovers may have been startled to find a wealth of sweet moments in the most unexpected places recently. Spike Lee, traditionally no…

Joe Bob Briggs

What used to be the two most boring words in the history of the English language? “Mutual funds,” right? What does everybody wanna talk about at parties in the ’90s? Mutual funds, right? Everybody’s buying mutual funds. People who can’t divide nine by three are buying mutual funds. People who…

Catchy

Melodramas often take a bad rap in the critical press, as if there’s something wrong with enjoying schmaltzy love stories or torrid, overblown gangster epics. Granted, they aren’t exactly known for their original plots, but there’s a reason they have staying power. After all, cliches only gain currency as cliches…

Driven to abstraction

In the opening scene of Surviving Picasso, set in Paris at the height of World War II, the great Spanish artist is showing his haphazard collection of paintings–his own as well as those of his friends, the Fauvist genius Henri Matisse and fellow cubist Georges Braque–to a pair of dimwitted…

Fantastic voyage

For most of his 12-year career, director Spike Lee has shouldered a unique burden among young, contemporary black filmmakers. John Singleton, Albert and Allen Hughes, and Matty Rich earned their reputations with debut features that vividly explored inner-city crime. Spike Lee–whose earlier mainstream success arguably opened doors in lily-white Hollywood…

Joe Bob Briggs

This First Wives Club stuff is gettin’ scary, isn’t it? What’s the rallying cry of First Wives Club? “Don’t get even–get everything!” Right? Every married man’s worst fear. What we’ve been saying all these years. It’s a money thing, isn’t it? Every ex-wife turns into George C. Scott in the…

The dark half

Some of us remember that there are really two Tom Hankses–Saint Tom and his Evil Twin. Saint Tom won back-to-back Oscars for his charming, bloodless performances in Philadelphia and Forrest Gump. He helped make Apollo 13 one of the most effortless entertainments of 1995, although he couldn’t quite smother the…

Empty room

For a few years now, I’ve been praying to the talent gods to give me the strength to keep liking James Foley movies. When Foley first began directing 12 years ago, his films ran the range from pompous and dull morality plays (At Close Range, Reckless) to the mind-bendingly idiotic…

Joe Bob Briggs

All right, girls, either be lesbos or don’t be lesbos, but make up your goldurn minds. You know what I’m talking about? I must know 30 women out there who go back and forth–homo and hetero. One week they’re making the Sign of the Twelve-Humped Anaconda with a Wal-Mart stock…

Everybody hurts

Throughout the ’60s in England and the ’70s in America, the development of film as a form of popular entertainment began to explore areas of realism previously thought to lack a minimum level of escapism. Until then, conventional wisdom held that viewers might willingly pay to be moved by tender…

Joe Bob Briggs

How come any time you meet a new gal who might be willing to have sex with you, every other woman you know can smell that she’s in town? They don’t know her name. They don’t know where she came from. They just suddenly know that there’s a possibility you…