Terrifying
Terrifying

Are You Surprised? Jay-Z Already Has a Song About His Offspring

Following the birth of his and Beyoncé's daughter, Blue Ivy, on Saturday night -- an event which took over an entire wing of Lenox Hill Hospital -- Mr. Carter, ever the businessman, has already written a song about her. "A younger, smarter, faster me," he declares. How long until she's signed to Roc Nation? This makes me think my idea for a reality show called Li'l Bosses might work. (Premise: Bring in toddlers to lay people off. Sure you're unemployed, but they're ad-ow-wuh-bul!)

Of course, there are already Internet theories abounding about the name. Damn, she's two days old and already has to fend off charges she's part of the Illuminati?

(Tangent alert: It's none of my business if Jay-Z is actually a Mason, but he would definitely make it "cool" again. How amazing would the live TMZ broadcasts from a Masonic temple be?)

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