Let's start this off right: We're absolutely not saying these bands suck. We're saying they suck in the heat and humidity of an overpacked, porta-potty using festival.
And, with ACL approaching fast and other festivals that people like coming up real soon, there's a lot of choices in that butt-sweat-soaked program you're carrying in your back pocket.
We'd like to narrow those choices down, or, at least, help you make that ever-important decision: "Should I go see The Eagles or The Flaming Lips?" (Your answer's after the jump.)
Check out our list and see why these bands can be tiresome, frustrating, or induce freak-outs during outdoor shows.
What's the last thing you want when the heat makes the air like feel like wading through Clam Chowder? A shower of bloody meat from an inside-out horse's mouth. Why Gwar, why?
2. Sigur Ros
Nine-minute, hallucination-inducing, falsetto-heavy songs do not go over too well in a steam bath. Also, to the guy in front of you in the camel backpack, face down in the grass mumbling: Why did you come at all?
3. Belle & Sebastian
Much better for quietly loathing yourself in your loft, not a sprawling field where others can see your tears clearly in the sun.
4. Grizzly Bear
Note: we love Grizzly Bear. Who doesn't? But an hour-set of avant-garde in a blistering field, back-to-back with Ben Harper, just doesn't work. See them at some glorious indoor theater, where the sound blows out the doors.
Should be regulated to camera commercials, Super Bowl halftime shows that are previously TiVo'd, and the occasional Michael Bay movie credit sequence. That's it. When you're sweating balls, you don't want to hear Tyler's mouth sing Crazy over and over.
6. John Cage
This lack of an image attached to this one is actually a really funny joke if you get it.
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7. Marilyn Manson
It's a decided conflict when your inner goth wants to put on wrist cuffs and black vinyl pants and your outer sweat-hog requires jorts. Raging to "The Dope Show" just isn't the same in flippy floppys.
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Remember that scene in Along Came Polly? Where Philip Seymour Hoffman's sweaty chest drags down Ben Stiller's face during a basketball game? This is roughly what occurs during a jam-packed Radiohead show, when fair-weather fans leave after "Creep" plays.
9. Any reunion/anniversary show wherein elderly band members wear lots of make-up
When you're already reliving the glory days c/o your son's borrowed one-hitter, the last thing you need to see is Roger Waters/Fred Schneider/Pointer Sisters/5th Dimensions' face melting off.
10. Jimmy Buffett
Without fail, a two-foot plastic margarita the color of neon will upend on your thonged, parrothead themed sandles.