Seventy-seven million made from watchin me cum under the sun / Shootin' my jizzy jizm / The woody has rizzy risen / I ain't getting paid to entertain your bridal showers / Rockin' my porno tape for hours and hours / Clitoris are fearin' me / It's bigger than Ron Jeremy
While Lee's unit writes with the direct style found in all the finest wordsmiths, I'd be remiss if I didn't point out the fact that it's a, well, self-centered moron, the kind of jack-ass always picking fights because it's bigger than everyone else. The above is just a taste of Methods of Mayhem, though it's more than enough to do away with all reasonable doubt with respect to Lee's not-so-little Richard's talent, or lack thereof, as an MC. For further documentation, I direct you to "Proposition Fuck You," a charming little ditty, save for Lee's lower half trying its best to be, you know, down. "Tired of the boys in blue runnin' up on your crew, you know what to do, tell 'em, 'Fuck you,'" Lee's frank and beans suggest on the song, and obviously, someone that white, almost opaque even, and quite wealthy besides, knows all about the boys in blue runnin' up on his respective crew. He's from the streets (or rather, the streetz), and you can feel it.
Lee's johnson shoots itself in the, ah, foot early on, insisting on the disc's label that, "This CD is nothing but worthless plastic unless played loud as fuck." To which I reply: Fine, it's nothing but worthless plastic. Eventually, it will learn not to taunt the audience, let them make up their own mind on matters such as appropriate volume, an album's intrinsic value, and whether you can/should make sparks shoot off the disc's smooth, almost metallic surface by putting it in a microwave for a few seconds. For now, however, it's clear that Lee's thing -- keeping in mind its various and miserable attempts at piloting small water-based crafts, writing lyrics, drawing the crude illustrations sprinkled throughout the MoM CD booklet, hosting its own lifestyle show on the Adam and Eve network, and running for state senator in California, among others -- is a dilettante, a jack of all trades, yet a master of none. Lee's package desperately needs to find its true calling and stick with it. And taking all available evidence under advisement, we believe Tommy Lee Jr. has already come across his true purpose: making sure Pamela Lee doesn't press charges.