This weekend, the NFC and AFC divisional rounds will pit such heavyweights as the Baltimore Ravens against the Peyton Mannings, The Green Bay Packers against the San Francisco 49ers, the Seattle Blinding Highlights against the Atlanta Falcons and a game I won't mention for obvious reasons. We're here to offer you some predictions about who will make the Championships. "But wait," you say. "This is a music blog!"
I know. That's why were going to decide based on The Football Albums, a double LP released by DiskothiQ wherein each song is about a different NFL franchise. It's a band fronted by Peter Hughes, who you now know as the bassist for the Mountain Goats.
Baltimore Ravens vs. Denver Broncos Saturday, 3:30 p.m.
The best songs on the album are the ones that deal with something crazy specific, much like the best Mountain Goats songs. This is a six and a half minute ballad speculating about the hypothetical un-retirement of Jim Kelly. Delightful.
Peter Hughes includes a sort of commentary on each of these songs on Bandcamp. About this one he says, "Lame teams deserve lame songs. (See also: 49ers.)"
Winner: Baltimore Ravens
Green Bay Packers vs. San Francisco 49ers Saturday, 7 p.m.
In which Peter Hughes makes fun of defensive end Reggie White's views on Jesus' football allegiances. Specifically: "God didn't fix your hammy, Reggie," and "You're an idiot to think that God cares exclusively about the Packers."
(See also: Broncos).
Winner: Green Bay Packers Seattle Seahawks vs. Atlanta Falcons Sunday, 12 p.m.
Mostly a simplistic lament about the logo change, but it's got a pretty satisfying melody. I do like how literal this one is.
Oh man, where to start. Maybe here: "Well we're all tired of watching Jamal Anderson's mother, but at least she ain't doing the Tomahawk Chop." Why? Well, you'll just have to listen.
Winner: Atlanta Falcons
Houston Texans vs. New England Patriots Sunday, 3:30 p.m.
This song was recorded in 1999, when the Texans did not exist. But it's got a former Houston team in the title and, more importantly, Hughes says it's, "Probably the worst thing DiskothiQ's ever done, which is kind of saying a lot." If we can't root for the Cowboys, at least there's always rooting against the Texans. For two more days.
This one's just about a small town somewhat near Foxborough where Hughes has relatives. Again, the specificity makes it an actually good song.
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Winner: New England Patriots