The Archers of Rock

In preparation for the highly anticipated Blood on the Moors show, I endeavored to speak with frontman LeMont Shockenbacker. He proved elusive, like any typical god of rock, and I was dependent upon Giles Rothchild, personal assistant to Mr. Shockenbacker, for some connection. A packed schedule of drunken debauchery and throngs of groupies surrounding him at all hours found Shockenbacker in no position for an actual person-to-person interview, but he did find time during a short recuperative stint to provide some answers to questions I had e-mailed Rothchild in hopes of a response:

You've been compared to Dio and other guitar-based giants of rock. How do you feel about the comparisons?

I eat bands like Dio for breakfast, along with my morning tea, and then spit out the bones. Wankers! Anyways, every bugger and his mum knows that metal comes from the U.K., not America. Bloody hell!

In the long and incredibly detailed story on the Blood on the Moors site, you tell of a beast and a broadsword-wielding fighter seeking vengeance. Do you consider BOTM to be wielding the mighty guitar/broadsword of rock and beheading the powerful, fiery beast of bad music?

When I was just a little twit, I would say, "Mum, I wanna play guitar like the devil himself," I'd say. She'd then say, "Don't be such a wanker!" and then slap me so hard my bollocks would hit the floor.  The point is I never did this for fame, or to rid the local airwaves of the Matchbook 20s or the Wink-182s of the world; I did it because I wanted an excuse to get wicked pissed and make a complete arse of myself. I get paid to do this, you know!

Is that your real hair? (This is in regards to the entire band.)

In this day and age, what does real really mean?

The Shockenbacker vocal range is not quite unparalleled and impressive. Is it a product of strict vocal tutelage?

St. Francis Catholic School for Boys—1982 All-State Male Soprano.

Beasts and villagers aside, are there other inspirations that help shape the BOTM vision?

The infamous Basil Porter absinthe binge of 1992. Daft bugger drank so much he thought he'd turned into one of those spider monkeys. Took two days to get him off the ceiling!

You have several songs featuring the classic metal guitar duet. Have you considered a BOTM cover of "Dueling Banjos" (perhaps titled "Dueling Broadswords") done on guitar? ("Foggy Moor Breakdown" could be another option, of course.)

"Dueling Broadswords"...I like the sound of that. Anything that showcases Kelly Zartan's ability to solo with the use of his third member sounds mutt's nuts! We don't call him the "Spanish Dagger" for nothin'.

In "Sensitive Mother," you attempt to unite the kinsmen as well as make the statement "Honey, you need a knight like me." I have a sensitive mother. Do you assert that she needs a knight like you?

Any tart would be off her trolley not to want a knight like LeMont Shockenbacker.

What do you see (or wish) for BOTM in the future?

With cannons blazing, scaly wings outstretched, a fresh pint in one hand and gleaming broadsword in the other, we go forward into the dark night ready to melt face and burn the castle down! The future is nigh; kinsmen unite!

How do you respond to those that assert you are not actually LeMont Shockenbacker and the other members of BOTM also have false identities?

Note: Mr. Shockenbacker did not have time to respond to all inquiries. Respectfully, Giles Rothchild, Personal Assistant to LeMont Shockenbacker.

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Merritt Martin
Contact: Merritt Martin

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