We’re Not Worthy! Alice Cooper and Rob Zombie Melted Dos Equis Pavilion in Dallas: See the Photos

Full disclosure: This is not a show review in the typical sense. There will be no setlist, and no critique of the singing or guitar playing.  No mention of who is in and who is out of the touring band.  None of that. This is just a photographer’s homage to one of the greatest living rock and roll performers of my generation.  And your generation and any generation in between: Alice Cooper.

To set some context, Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper brought their Freaks on Parade tour to the Dos Equis Pavilion on Thursday, Aug. 24. Supporting the two superstar acts for this show were Ministry and Filter. With all due respect to Ministry and Filter, they didn’t need to be included. Both are good bands and successful in their own right, but stretching the night to four acts meant the gates to the Pavilion opened at 4:30 p.m. with the live music kicking off at 6. Not a good time to be outside.

There are a lot of famous sayings about “Hell” and “Texas” but let’s be progressive, follow the science and make a Venn diagram of the two locations. Look closely and you’ll see the the two circles have a small overlap. Drill down further and you’ll find the overlap is labeled “August,” and at 100% magnification you’ll find this description: “The afternoon of Aug. 24 in the middle of a fucking heatwave in Dallas.”

Venn diagrams are part of science and science doesn’t lie, no matter what your FOX-watching uncle tells you. Texas has a private entrance to the gates of hell, and if you were on the front row for Thursday’s show at Dos Equis you were only inches away from taking up permanent residence in the underworld.

On this late afternoon in August, the cruel sun bent to Satan’s will and bathed the front of the stage with a radioactive glow. It became the hottest place in Texas, which didn’t do the band any favors either, unless you count permanent retinal damage as some sort of sick privilege.

There is only one man who could convince me to go to Dos Equis in August, and as the sun mercifully sank below the horizon, he took the stage. By the end of Alice Cooper’s set, 18,000 of us would gladly follow him into hell, or just stay here in Dallas. Is there really that much of a difference? Do they have good tacos in hell? Asking for a friend.

Rob Zombie is no Alice Cooper, but he does put on a damn good show. Or should we say “damned” – Get it? Just when we thought it couldn’t get any hotter, the pyrotechnics started going off.

Is it hell or Texas? Or some weird overlap of a time space continuum? Science can’t explain everything. Hold on to your faith. And stay hydrated.