The Problem With.. Lady Gaga's "The Edge of Glory"

So. Lady Gaga's anticipated

Born This Way

came out earlier this week. After giving it a listen, I'd say its like a roller coaster -- one that has

Gaga's roaring head from the cover

on the bumper.

It's thrilling in some turns, nauseating in others and it gives listeners a real sense of danger.

Thing is, the Born This Way coaster is probably safer than the road you took driving to the amusement park. The danger, you see, is just an illusion.

Let's face it: For a single with the word "edge" in its name, new Gaga single "The Edge of Glory" isn't all that edgy. Actually, this track is more like a Tunnel of Love section of the coaster. Seriously, check out that Google Chrome ad that's using it.

As the first verse starts up, the track takes on a cheerful mood that may remind you of Katy Perry's playful bearing. Actually, it even sounds like Perry's single "Firework." Gaga must have heard Katy's lyric, "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?," and came up with "Psh! I kill plastic bags for my wardrobe. I'm a suffocation hazard, baby!" as a response.

It makes you wonder if Gaga is getting enough air in that brain of hers. Really: How exactly do you "brush the dangerous," softly while feeding it pieces of meat from your hand?

And, honest, the only reason I can think of that justifies anyone constantly yelling "The edge!," as Gaga does in the chorus, is if I were standing on precarious cliff and panicking at a possible fall: "Oh crap! It's the edge! The edge!" That, or if the dude from U2 walked by. Or the WWE wrestler.

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Anyway, one lyric especially stands out among the staleness of the track: "Another shot before we kiss the other side." Um, that just sounds really gross. I don't know anyone who would schedule kissing their partner's "other side" with their regular shots at the physician's office, but I guess I need to meet more people.

All in all, "The Edge of Glory" doesn't know whether it wants to be a Tina Turner-like ballad or a dancefloor hit. Mostly, it sounds like the rest of the band ditched Gaga and E Street Band saxophonist Clarence Clemons at the studio and left them to their own unfortunate devices, leaving the producer to just throw a house beat and melody over the top of their creations.

Oh well. It's still better to be on the edge of glory than to be shot down in the blaze of it, I guess.

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