DFW Music News

We'll Forever Be Haunted By a Video of Shelley Luther Singing 'Sweet Child O' Mine'

Salon owner Shelley Luther should really stick to politics and leave music the hell alone.
Salon owner Shelley Luther should really stick to politics and leave music the hell alone. AP Photo/LM Otero
Since she first made headlines for defying lockdown orders for Texas businesses, Shelley Luther has become a multi-hyphenate household name as a salon owner-turned-political-martyr-aspiring musician.

After a failed bid for a seat at the Texas Senate in 2020, Luther announced this week she'd be throwing her red hat in the ring as a candidate for the Texas House of Representatives, just as skateboarding thirst trap Beto O’Rourke confirmed he'd be running for Texas governor against conservative car salesman Don Huffines.

Luther’s political platform can be summed up with that one misinformed political meme you had to untag yourself from when it was shared by your aunt, and she seems overconfident in her qualifications to help manage the second most populated state in the country, power grid issues and all.

Even still, Luther should stick to politics and forget music.

For years, Luther has been in a cover band she started with her boyfriend (now husband) Tim Georgeff, which received an incomprehensible number of booking requests after Luther became a hero for conservatives.

Luther isn’t the only conservative white woman from North Texas trying to make her name in pop music as the next Lady Maga. A few months ago, we discovered insurrectionist Jenna Ryan’s original song, which is about Jesus or former President Donald Trump, we don’t know. Somehow, Luther managed to give us something even worse.

In late October, Luther posted a live video on her Facebook page with the ominous warning, “You know what’s about to happen.” And even then, we couldn't be prepared. What was about to happen was that Luther would be singing, live and on a stage, a cover of the Guns N’ Roses classic "Sweet Child O' Mine."

She was backed by the '80s tribute band Velcro Pygmies, which fired off the song's signature guitar intro with a flare Slash might envy if he ever lost a few fingers and the ability to hear. Luther jumped in with a scream of some sort. Then, she clapped like a kindergarten teacher singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" as her soft blonde waves bounced around all cute-like. Luther opened the song by butchering the lyrics, singing: “You’ve got a smile of the bluest skies as if they thought of rain.”

Ma’m, please, sit down. 
The opening lyric is, of course, “She's got a smile that it seems to me/ Reminds me of childhood memories/Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky.”

She then tried some sort of Axl-inspired side-to-side swaying as a band member, who has awesomely ‘80s power hair like that of Jem and the Holograms, entered the stage. Luther then went back to the first verse, instead of on a shopping spree to Target with a stop at Starbucks.

Power Hair played the guitar behind his ‘80s coiffure as Luther ran her hand on her own as she screamed to the audience "to make some nooooise."

Then, instead of putting on her Lululemon yoga pants and stopping by Kendra Scott on her way to her spin class, Luther STARTED PLAYING AIR GUITAR.

She sang the next part on a too-low key, but the lowest moment of all came in the form of Luther's little scream after the words “Where do we go now?”

We were all wondering the same. Where do we go after watching this? Is there some sort of phone number to call, or a support group? Help. We can still hear the horrible sounds of bad sing-screaming at night.

When the song ended and Luther tried to walk away after embarrassing her children and everyone watching at home, a shirtless band member stopped her and told the crowd of about 40 people who somehow seemed into it that, “This young lady right here has more balls than 99% of men I’ve ever known.”

That is probably true. It takes balls to sing one of the most famous rock-metal songs in history in a shiny blouse and tailored jeans in front of an audience and then share it online. And while GNR will certainly not be remembered for its philanthropy — Axl Rose has twice been sued by former partners for abuse — even they don’t deserve this. Luther should also be charged with abuse for making and sharing this video.

Even sadder, Luther’s version of "Sweet Child O' Mine" is still better than Sheryl Crow’s.

Now we know why Slash famously hides his face with his hair. We’d be mortified, too.
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Eva Raggio is the Dallas Observer's music and arts editor, a job she took after several years of writing about local culture and music for the paper. Eva supports the arts by rarely asking to be put on "the list" and always replies to emails, unless the word "pimp" makes up part of the artist's name.
Contact: Eva Raggio