It's come to this
The way Buzz sees it, this running contest between Dallas and its suburbs to decide which will build a new sports arena for the Stars and Mavericks is starting to look like a bunch of drunken sailors chasing the town whore.

Who cares that sports arenas really don't contribute squat to a city's economy? Town fathers from Dallas, Arlington, Grand Prairie, and God knows where else are staggering up to the team owners clutching fistfuls of taxpayer cash and hoping to be graced with the pleasure of the teams' company.

How ridiculous has the competition become? We're now counting adjectives.
The Arlington Star-Telegram, obedient lap dog of that barren suburb's business establishment, was predictably boosterish in one recent news story on the prospects of the teams moving to Arlington.

The AS-T reported that Mavericks representatives met with Arlington officials for 80 minutes. After Mavericks negotiator Tom Luce emerged from that meeting, he held a press conference. The paper reported that Luce "used the words 'impressed' and 'impressive' five times when talking about Arlington."

Buzz understands that Luce ended the press conference just as the AS-T reporter was taking off her second shoe.

Little Muddy
Most probably, you think of the Trinity River as puny, brown, and ugly. Except after a heavy rain, of course, when it's big, brown, and ugly.

In an effort to enhance your appreciation of our mighty waterway, Fort Worth photography professor Luther Smith has recently come out with one of those coffee table art books devoted to, and called, Trinity River.

It's a collection of duotone photographs from various vantage points, most near Dallas and Fort Worth. Smith, who apparently wears funny hats, spent seven years wandering the Trinity's banks and photographing the river, using a large format view camera to capture its true essence.

You already see where this is heading.
Yes, even in the hands of a skilled professional, using the finest equipment, and toiling for seven years, the Trinity River is puny, brown, and ugly. Except, of course, after a heavy rain.

Luther, you really can't put lipstick on a pig.

What a piker
You've probably seen the newspaper ads for former Dallas Cowboys player Charles Haley's new book. They feature a photo of Haley looking mean, his Super-Bowl-ring-encrusted fists clenched before him. And the book is ominously titled All The Rage: The Life of an NFL Renegade.

Sorry Charlie, but the bad-boy image just isn't going to work. Let's face it, Haley is a limp noodle compared with his former teammates. All Haley ever did was work hard, play great, win five Super Bowls, and retire when his back gave out.

He never got arrested with hookers, caught sniffing coke, or hauled before a grand jury. Hell, he never even wrapped his car around a light pole or tried to carry a gun through an airport.

Buzz likes Haley, even respects him, but come on. He's no Rafael Septien.

--David Pasztor

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
David Pasztor