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Bootlickin' Does a Boy Good: Cruz Nabs Spot on Trump's Supreme Court Short List

U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz is hoping to slide onto the Supreme Court bench.
U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz is hoping to slide onto the Supreme Court bench.
Gage Skidmore

Guess all that ass kissin’ actually amounted to something.

Wednesday, President Donald Trump revealed he’d put his favorite sycophant, U.S. Sen. “Lyin’ Ted” Cruz, on a short list of potential Supreme Court nominees, according to USA Today. To be nominated, assuming a vacancy opens while Trump is in office, Cruz will have to beat 19 other contenders including federal appeals and district court judges, senators and current and former Trump administration members.

Shortly after the news broke, Cruz took to Twitter to announce the “humbling and immense honor.”

“I am grateful for the president’s confidence in me and for his leadership in nominating principled constitutionalists to the federal bench over the last four years,” he wrote. “As a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, I’ve been proud to help confirm to the bench over 200 of President Trump’s judicial nominees, including two to the Supreme Court.”

He’s clearly thrilled about the nomination, but his critics sure aren’t.

“Wait. Trump said he wants Ted Cruz to be on the Supreme Court? Is he trying to motivate his base or ours?” Democratic strategist and political adviser Adam Parkhomenko said in a tweet.

“ted cruz would be the first supreme court justice to fav a porn tweet,” wrote Rob Flaherty, digital director for Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden.

What? The porno tweet incident was an “accident,” guys.

Regardless, Cruz seems pretty pumped for a guy who once told The Hill he had "no interest" in becoming a Supreme Court justice. Then again, considering his utter disdain for Trump’s last two picks, Justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh, maybe he thinks he’d do a better job. 

When one thinks of a Supreme Court justice, the words “moral,” “ethical” and “courageous” are typically conjured – all descriptors that just about nobody uses to describe Cruz. Hell, even his own daughter thinks he’s cringy.

Cruz and Trump may play nice now, but most of our readers will likely remember it hasn’t always been that way. There was the time the president hurled insults at Cruz’s wife, making fun of her looks. Then, there was the time he accused Cruz’s father of having been linked to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.

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Both of those affronts sure pissed Cruz off, and he vowed to abstain from voting for Trump on Election Day.

"I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father," he said in July 2016, according to The Washington Post. “That pledge was not a blanket commitment that if you go and slander my wife that I am going to come like a servile puppy dog for maligning my wife and maligning my father.”

A man of his word, Cruz refused to endorse his foe for president. Just kidding: Politico reported he wound up voting for the man four months later. Guess he wasn’t afraid to embrace his “servile puppy dog” side after all.

So kids, take a lesson here. If you aren’t afraid to be a coward, you too could be rewarded with a shot at the Supreme Court bench someday.

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