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| Weather |

Dallas Weather: DELIVER US FROM THE HEAT, POLAR THINGY

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So, what are you doing right now? You're inside, right? You might be living inside a fridge, or lying, face down, by an air vent, or maybe having an angry fight with a fellow employee over the thermostat. It's probably one of those things. Well, that's only going to get worse this weekend, so forget that whole outside thing, unless you enjoy the feeling of being set on fire by the sun.

Next week, however. Next week could be the most glorious week of any Texas summer ever.

Delkus is so excited he has posted four pictures. FOUR. And one of them contains the word "rollercoaster," so you know it'll be good. Also, as far as the top right picture goes, I understand that H means "hot," but what does L stand for? LOL? LeBron? Let's go outside?

Temperatures could be as low as 80 from Tuesday onwards. This means that all the things you've just left outside to burn, from pets to trash to beloved family members who made the mistake of opening the door, can finally be brought inside to receive a proper funeral.

Seriously, polar icepocalypse tornado vortex. We are so ready. If you could make it here early and never leave, that would be everyone's favorite. Delkus is tingling. TINGLING.

All weather from now on should be conducted on the Delkus Tingle Scale. One tingle for bad, two tingles for good. We don't even need words any more. Just tingling.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

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Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.