Eat a Dick: Things that Made Us Laugh at Dallas in 2014

2014 saw a bumper crop of famous Dallas people saying, doing and tweeting ridiculous things. Often disheartening, always amusing, here are the odds and ends we liked best this year.

"I have no dog in this pony" -- Carolyn Davis, making us wonder all sorts of things during the lengthy, arcane City Council fight over civil collections.

Dwaine Caraway does Vonciel Hill Better Than Vonciel Hill Does Vonciel Hill -- He nails the whole thing, down to the holier-than-thou, angry elementary principal cadence.

"Eat a dick" -- Cowboys wide receiver Cole Beasley, taking umbrage at some unsolicited advice on Twitter. That the tweet was not deleted is the best part.

"A Taste of Africa Comes to Dallas!" -- The best-timed, poorly timed newspaper cover we've ever seen.

"I'm rich already." -- Tennell Atkins tells us why he's not grafting off the deal to expand Dallas Executive Airport.

"That's crazy." -- The guy in the Jumpman hat, giving the perfect, succinct explanation for why Dallas' Fair Park bike share is the world's saddest.

Vonciel Hill's pool -- Life's nothing without a little hypocrisy, a dictum the District 3 city councilwoman takes to heart.

"Who the fuck made you dumb duck ass crackers think I give a squat fuck about your opinions about my opinions RE: #Ferguson? Kill yourselves." -- Soon to be fired Duncanville ISD high school teacher Vinita Hegwood.

"Fuck no, I do not care. Because I know I'm not doing anything wrong. ...You don't have to put the little -- what you do, put the little stars by it. Put my whole cuss words in there. I meant that." -- Dez Bryant after the Cowboys walloped the Bears on Thursday night football, letting us all know that he doesn't give a damn what we think about his sideline behavior.

"As you know the news has spread around the world and we'd like to put it to good use and help a great cause! We are NOT in this for any financial gain, unless its [sic] for our charity." -- James Faulk, the University Park man who outfitted his house with Ebola-themed Halloween decorations. He tried to give money raised from paying patrons to Doctors Without Borders. They turned him down.

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Stephen Young has written about Dallas news for the Observer since 2014. He's a Dallas native and a graduate of the University of North Texas.
Contact: Stephen Young

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