Fore! Play!

No, check that, the new PGA Superstore in Plano isn't just a teasing appetizer, it's downright orgasmic. If, that is, you get aroused milling around an old Home Depot warehouse filled with sports memorabilia, a gazillion Izods, two bajillion clubs, a tennis court, a putting green, a chipping area complete with sand trap and countless driving range stalls equipped with computer analysis, simulated courses and a daily $50 closest-to-the-pin contest. (Psssst, it reads 110 yards but plays no more than 106.) Spring has sprung. Grass is green. And, yup, two-downs, three-putts, snowmen, obscenities and tired, old impressions of Carl Spackler are in the air.

Some of us may have already peaked -- with a nice little 78 at this plush place two weeks ago, thank you very much -- but if you need anything to improve your game or at least a gadget to distract you from how seriously suck-ass you really are, this is the place. Like the sign says, "This is big." Out front there is a Hummer golf cart selling for a cool $12,435. Inside you can get autographed, framed photos of Tiger Woods, Payne Stewart and even Byron Nelson and Ben Hogan together at the '41 Masters. And there are enough woods to give any duffer wood. Bottom line: Pity these guys. --Richie Whitt

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