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Keep Dallas Observer Free
4

Human Rain Delay: Part Deux

If this ball went foul, we'd be waiting another three minutes for a pitch.

I see your Texas Rangers continued to hover around .500 in my absence. Which is a good, amazing, frustrating thing.

Tonight they try (again) to get two games above .500 for the first time in the Ron Washington era. Which reminds me, considering the job the manager is doing is there any reason for management to get their contingency list out of the drawer and make a change at the All-Star break?

No way.

With the energetic, effective infusions of players like Eric Hurley, Brandon Boggs, Max Ramirez and Chris Davis, the Rangers are a more entertaining team these days. And without Jarrod Saltalamacchia in the lineup, they are a much quicker team.

I did manage to catch part of a game while on vacation, but I’ll be honest, I barely made it through Salty’s at-bats without hurling my stopwatch at the TV. No kidding, this is the guy’s right-handed routine after every friggin’ pitch (yes, even if he doesn’t swing):

*Turn back to plate and un-velcro/velcro batting gloves while strolling a good 7-10 feet up the third base line.

*Stop, face home plate, un-fasten and fasten gloves again.

*Take off batting helmet, wipe forehead with both sleeves.

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*Put helmet on, knock cleats with bat.

*Leislurely stroll toward plate, finally stepping back in box.

I propose a baseball amendment that says if you’re not hitting above .214 you can’t leave the box between pitches. Old first baseman Mike Hargrove’s at-bats were also measured via sun dial, but at least he regularly topped .300.

What could possibly take Saltalamacchia so long to ponder making an out eight of every 10 plate appearances? -- Richie Whitt

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