Jerry to Tony: Dude, Chill

Metal Skool poses Friday night with fans Tony Romo, Big Dick Hunter and Hal Sparks.

The Cowboys haytuhs’ version: Tony Romo is staining his and his team’s image by associating with a vulgar rock band that makes on-stage jokes about incest, pedophilia, devil worship and the quarterback of America’s Team snorting cocaine.

The Cowboys fans’ version: Tony Romo is a rising star maximizing his and his team’s exposure by embracing the numerous publicity opportunities offered the quarterback of America’s Team.

The Cowboys owner’s version: Tony Romo should get out of the debate. Now.

Romo, who this off-season has already held Carrie Underwood’s purse at the Country Music Awards, judged Miss Universe, tried to qualify for the U.S. Open golf tournament and angled for a new contract, hosted last Friday night’s appearance at The Palladium by glam-metal parody band, Metal Skool. You’d think -- as it did when Romo attended a concert in L.A. in February -- that video from the event would be plentiful. You’d be wrong. Because, according to sources close to the show, Romo agreed to hop on stage and sing only if it wasn’t videoed professionally by the band. Jerry Jones’ orders.

Apparently Jerry is trying to nip in the bud -- is it already too late? -- the appearance of his quarterback spending too much time partying and too little in the playbook. According to the sources, Jones recently pulled Tony aside and told him to limit his public appearances, especially those that could put him in a negative light or draw into question his commitment to football over fun. (Falcons owner only Arthur Blank dreams of having Romo-esque headaches with his quarterback.

With no video -- at least, so far -- it’s impossible to tell how last Friday’s show went down. Unless, of course, you were there. A crowd of about 300 went apeshit when Romo -- who was the concert’s official “host” -- jumped on stage. Dressed in a white Pink Floyd T-shirt and wearing a silver dog-tag necklace, Romo got this introduction from Skool lead singer Michael Starr: “I’m glad this dude makes so much fucking money! Because, damn, he can snort through a shitload of cocaine!”

Romo rocks! Or something like that. Or not.

Starr then veiled a reference to girlfriend Underwood, joking to Romo that “a certain country singer probably wouldn’t appreciate all your Satan worship.” And, finally, Starr gave his prediction on the upcoming season of a quarterback with 11 career starts and a No. 11 ranking courtesy Sports Illustrated: “Tony’s going to have the best season ever. If not … he’ll be replaced, and he’ll never sing with us again.”

After former Talk Soup host Hal Sparks sang some Skid Row, Romo -- who holds the microphone in a down periscope type of way -- belted out Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” and Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” If you don’t know Metal Skool, Live 105.3 FM’s Big Dick Hunter can fill in the blanks. He can also shed some insight into Romo’s fascination with the group.

Seriously, it’s all in fun. Their witty banter mocks, lampoons and pays tribute to the ‘80s hair bands as perfectly as their spot-on music. One guy jokes about boinking another’s mom, someone accuses someone else of boinking their own sister, then they play some songs we all boinked to in the back seat 20 years ago, and everybody has a good time. The only line-crossing groans of the night came when lead guitarist “Satchel” talked of avoiding unwanted pregnancy via casual sex by seducing girls so young that “their fallopian tubes aren’t yet developed …”

Can’t imagine Roger Staubach ever getting on stage with anyone other than Pat Boone. Then again, Troy Aikman did record “Oklahoma Nights." --Richie Whitt

KEEP THE DALLAS OBSERVER FREE... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky

Latest Stories