Real Estate

OK, OK: The Latest Trinity River Toll Road Report Sprinkles B.S. on the Peak of Mount B.S.

Look, we're sorry. We wanted badly to just ignore the earth-shattering news. Unfortunately, though, Schutze is off in Arkansas ingesting giardia all week, and not everyone reads The Dallas Morning News (cheap bastards), so it's up to those left behind to let everyone in on it.

Ready? Here it is: Fat people like pie.

No, wait. That's not it. Not obvious enough.

Here it is: The Morning News recently reported on its front page on a report prepared in part by the North Texas Tollway Authority issued a report basically endorsing City Hall's plan to build a toll road between the Trinity River levees -- a toll road long championed by the North Texas Tollway Authority and the News.

Surprise! Fat people also like ice cream!

For those new to town or smart enough to have ignored this story for the last several hundred years, here's the short-form background: lies, lies, lies, 1998 citywide vote for park, lakes, etc. on Trinity. Lies. No park. Toll road. Lies. Lies. Where's road? Lies! Another vote. Yes road! Lies, lies. No money. Where's road? Where's park? Lies. NTTA, which once said it would help pay for road, says, "Wait, do what now?" Lies. New report says $1.76 billion toll road in imaginary park $1 billion cheaper than road not in park. Why toll road? No answer. Public hearing No. 1,745,232 coming May 6. Still no money.

We emailed Mayor Mike Rawlings' chief of staff, Paula Blackmon, to see whether he's taken a position on the road. "He is still reviewing all of the facts," she replied, which might make you think Rawlings is a little slow on the uptake, fact-reviewing-wise. Nope. Since the only cars that'll ever cruise this toll road will be powered by nuclear fusion, taking a stand now is like taking a position on unicorn hunting. Whatever you say, deluded people will be pissed and you might get gored.

We also called levee-road opponent and council member Angela Hunt about the NTTA thingy. "Can we put you down for standard 'Trinity Quote B'?" we asked. She said yes. So there you go.

If there's anything interesting left to say about the road, Morning News editorial writer Rodger Jones nailed it. He pointed out that the major justification of the road was to relieve traffic while the state completed Project Pegasus, a massive plan to rebuild the Stemmons corridor along the river. Now the broke-ass state has sent Pegasus to where the unicorns play, and he wondered how proponents will justify the toll road.

Let's see. How about lies, lies, lies?

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams