Red Bull is giving consumers $13 million dollars to settle false advertising claims. The settlement is unsurprising. Not once in all the times Unfair Park has consumed the horrid tasting energy drink have we grown wings, one of Red Bull's primary claims.
As long as you pinky promise that you bought some of the swill sometime in the last 12 years, the Austria-based company will give $10. If you prefer, and you really shouldn't, you can also settle your claim by getting $15 worth of Red Bull products.
It's a small consolation if you've ever felt the pain of a vodka/Red Bull hangover, but at least all the $30,000 millionaires in Uptown will be $30,010 millionaires in nine months or so. The online settlement request process takes about five minutes, but you won't get a check, or your four-pack, until the middle of next year at the earliest.