Bill Parcells, before hunky got a little chunky

Seared Tuna

OK, I’m promising myself this won’t deteriorate into a season of Bill bashing. And it won’t. But since the NFL season doesn’t technically start until tomorrow night, can I get in one more (last?) crotch-kick to Coach Parcells? Thanks.

If you missed Babe Laufenberg’s Sunday night sit-down with Parcells from the coach’s home in Jersey, it was, um, well, it was typical Parcells. Which is to say: defiant, arrogant, condescending and, most of all, infuriating. The lowlights: Remember how Parcells announced his January retirement via press release and then only granted interviews to his Yankee cronies, leaving hanging (if not happy) us Cowboys media and Cowboys fans?

“What else was there to do?” Parcells tells Babe. “You want me to go over there and get interrogated for another hour?”

Well, actually, yes. As season-ticket holders (i.e., shareholders in your company), you owed us that much.

“No,” he harrumphs. “I don’t think I owe anybody. I worked 15-hour days for four years without hardly ever taking a day off.”

There’s plenty more, but listening to Parcells when you don’t absolutely have to is like filling up on chips and salsa and then forcing yourself to finish your chimichanga platter anyway. The Rolaids is Wade Phillips.

Again, not saying he’s going to string together three Super Bowls. But, already, his folksy perspective is refreshing. For one, he’s actually doing a weekly radio show (Wednesdays at 8:10 a.m. on The Ticket). For two, he actually tells the truth.

“I always laugh when I hear coaches talk about sleeping in the office or working long hours,” Phillips told morning-show hosts George Dunham and Craig Miller today. “I work until I get it done, and it usually doesn’t take me that long.” Touche. --Richie Whitt

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