News

So Why Did the Dallas Country Club Really Set Off Fireworks Last Night?

Over on the News' ice cream blog, Robert Wilonsky reports that North Dallas was baffled last night by an unexpected firework display, allegedly to help celebrate the new clubhouse at the Dallas Country Club.

But we all know that a little clubhouse opening isn't enough to warrant fireworks in the Park Cities. So we racked our brains and came up with 10 more plausible reasons for the display. Feel free to chime in with your own.

  • The occasion simply called for it: Highland Park sophomore Morgan Allison's sweet-sixteen birthday party planning meeting.
  • Reason? Who needs a reason? WE'RE THE ONE PERCENT, BITCHES.
  • Those weren't fireworks.
  • The club recently let in a black person, who members were excited to learn "really isn't all that black."
  • The club recently let in a black person, and it turns out he has Jewish ancestry. Two-for-one!
  • The club recently let in a black person, but he announced yesterday evening that his employer was transferring him to Omaha. They called the ensuing celebration -- which started before the end of the announcement, oddly -- a "going away party."
  • Members realized they could save $135 a year by switching to GEICO, but had absolutely no reason to.
  • Turns out the person working the fireworks button totally misunderstood last night's Trayvon Martin news.
  • Well, what do you do with your tax refund?
  • They found Troy Aikman's sand wedge.

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Joe Tone
Contact: Joe Tone