Apparently, our elected officials never learned that no one likes a teacher’s pet because quite a few are placing a metaphorical apple on the Oval Office desk. It’s hard to determine which Republican loves our current commander-in-chief most, but we gave it our best effort.
Could it be Gov. Greg Abbott who, after President Donald Trump stripped the federal government of all DEI initiatives days into his second term, called for removing the same programs in his own state government? They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The governor long ago established himself as such a compliant and reliable supporter of the president that he even got a special shoutout during the inauguration address. But no, Abbott is not No. 1 on this list.
There used to be a strong argument for Sen. Ted Cruz, whose relationship with the president has been rocky, to say the least. In 2016, Cruz described Trump as a “serial philanderer,” an “amoral pathological liar,” a “braggadocious, arrogant buffoon” and a “narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen.” Choice words from “Lyin’ Ted,” as nicknamed by the president himself, who would then go on to endorse Trump in his second and third bids for president. Acrimony appeared to be a thing of the past for the two men, but the senator’s recent criticisms of the new tariffs and Trump’s potential try for a third term lead us to believe the two men may be back at each other’s throats soon. So it’s definitely not him.
Maybe it’s a combined effort from the three amigos of Texas politics: Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, Abbott, and Attorney Gen. Ken Paxton. In case you missed it, the trio lovingly posed together for a selfie from the White House recently. Where was Sen. John Cornyn while this all went down? That bookworm was busy reading “The Art of The Deal” by award-winning author Donald Trump.
Who are we kidding? In 2025, there is one ass-kisser, whose permanent pucker rises far surpasses any other. It’s not even close.
First Place: U.S. Rep. Brandon Gill
Brandon Gill, a 31-year-old U.S. Rep. from Flower Mound, debuted at a massive scale in the political sector in 2025. Gill, who grew up on a ranch in small-town Eula, made his first splash in the political scene in 2018 when he founded the D.C. Enquirer, an online publication self-described as “unabashedly Republican.” Gill’s trajectory from clickbait to Congress is admirable and backed by his infamous father-in-law’s influence. Gill's F.I.L. is Dinesh D’Souza, a right-wing political commentator whom Trump pardoned after he was convicted of making fraudulent and illegal campaign contributions in 2018. Paying it forward, Gill has made every effort to endorse even the president's most baseless claims. Aside from defending the DOGE cuts, promoting the idea that Haitian immigrants in Ohio were eating neighborhood pets, and calling for the deportation of a fellow Congress member, Gill tops our list for a House Joint Resolution he filed earlier this year.
HJR 1790 would replace the visage of Founding Father Benjamin Franklin with the current president on the $100 bill.
"President Trump could be enjoying his golden years golfing and spending time with his family," Gill said in a press release. "Instead, he took a bullet for this country and is now working overtime to secure our border, fix our uneven trade relationship with the rest of the world, make America energy independent again and put America first by ending useless foreign aid."
Tied For Second Place: Everyone Else
Ken Paxton
It’s been a big few weeks for the attorney general. In addition to investigating several North Texas school districts for allegedly allowing transgender students to compete in sports, the AG also announced a fresh campaign for United States Senator.It’s been a long time coming, but as his campaign site says, he is "the fighter they couldn't cancel."
Paxton’s senatorial campaign site went live on April 8, as soon as he announced his run on an afternoon Fox News broadcast. Displayed prominently on the front page is a picture of Paxton and Trump, all thumbs up. Maybe we’re behind the times, but the simple thumbs-up used to be the mark of a hitchhiker, but now, it looks like impeached politicians are looking to rebrand it as their own signature pose.
Paxton has supported Trump through his highs and lows and even spoke at the Trump rally before the Jan. 6 Capitol riot in 2021. He then refused court mandates to release records related to his travel that day. On Jan. 20 this year, the AG congratulated the newly inaugurated president and celebrated his own successes, which included suing the Biden administration 106 times. You can’t say the man doesn’t work every bit as hard at kissing Trump's ass as Gill does.
“It is a great day in America. President Trump’s inauguration marks the beginning of a new era and the triumphant return to the foundational principles that make America great," Paxton said in a statement. "Together, we will secure our borders, uphold the law, and restore the freedoms that Biden’s unlawful policies sought to undermine.”
Shelley Luther
If there’s one way Shelley Luther, a new state representative from Texas’ northernmost counties, loves to show her appreciation for Trump, it’s by using alternative modes of transportation.Take, for instance, the Trump boat parade that Luther led in 2020. Or, if you prefer to stay landbound, there was the Texoma Trump Tractor parade that she spoke at last year. We will add, without further comment, that she attended the October tractor parade bearing her pet kangaroo, Jolene. Again, no comment here. Since this is a list commemorating Trump's first 100 days in office, we're cheating a bit on this one, but attending a Trump tractor parade just before the election counts in our book.
Luther’s whole thing is grifting along the MAGA wave. You certainly recall that before winning the seat for Texas House District 62 in November, she was a salon owner from Far North Dallas who was temporarily imprisoned for defying nationwide COVID-19 closure measures. The case caused such conservative vitriol that Trump, then in his first term as president, called on Dallas voters to oust state District Judge Eric Moyé, who had jailed Luther.
Honorable Mention: Dallas Mayor Eric Johnson
Our mayor may be the only person who can challenge Elon Musk for the quickest turn from blue to red. Johnson gets the honorable mention here because his ass-kissing isn’t always specific to Trump but is sometimes a more broadly aimed grovel for the approval of his new party. Mind you, this is the same man who, in Trump’s first term, was critical of the president’s policies like dismantling DACA, which Johnson called a “heartless decision.” When questioned about his sudden support of Trump and the Republican party, Johnson likes to argue he’s always been conservatively minded, but there is evidence to show that less than a decade ago, our mayor didn't go as far right as he now suggests.Johnson announced his decision to change parties in the fall of 2023, and shortly after he crowned himself king of a conservative political association aimed at electing Republican mayors. At least, that’s what the Republican Mayor’s Association claims its purpose is. As KERA points out, just over $10,000 of the group’s $300,000 in expenditures has been spent directly on candidates.
We became especially curious about Johnson’s cabinet ambitions when, last November, he appeared on Fox News in ardent support of Trump’s mass deportation plan. The mayor even pledged that Dallas would support Trump's deportation efforts. (We reached out to Johnson for clarification on this stance in November. Alas, crickets.)
Johnson’s flamboyant support for the MAGA movement has cooled since Trump’s cabinet selections were finalized but could be reinvigorated if the rumors surrounding a Johnson bid for Texas’ attorney general seat become reality. When asked about the potential AG run by WFAA, the mayor did not deny having an interest in the seat but said he is “focused” on serving Dallas residents.
