4
| Sports |

To the Kid Who Cried Even Though He Was Never Close To Catching This Foul Ball ...

^
Keep Dallas Observer Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Dallas and help keep the future of Dallas Observer free.

Dear Kid Who Missed the Catch and Started Crying So Was Given Another Ball:

Man up.

The truth is, you never even had it. You weren't even close. Your arms are too short, for one. For two, you're in the twilight of your infancy. If you were honest with yourself, you'd admit that you'll never remember last night. All you could've done was make that super-attractive lady's night worse.

And the gratuitous show you put on, weeping and begging for the ball afterward? C'mon, son. This is the YouTube era. You shamed yourself, and probably even your progeny. By the way, the second ball the ball boy threw to you? That trinket? That was the spectator's equivalent of a participation medal. There's no story to that ball. No glory.

Take it from me, kid. You don't want to get in the habit of racking up participation medals. Not this early in life. Next time you go to a Rangers game, you take that ball with you and you crawl up to that pitying ball boy and you shove it down his goddamn throat.

This is Texas, son. We don't take handouts.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.

 

Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.