Guess whose life is not really an open book. Go on. Guess.

T.O. to T.A.L.K. Maybe. Probably.

It's one thing for Cowboys coach Bill Parcells to act like he didn't know the name of Terrell Owens' book last summer, but it's almost criminal for him to show up today at Valley Ranch today and tell the 200 or so media members that he doesn't know a damned thing about T.O.'s possible suicide.

"Most people in this room know more than I do," Parcells began, irritable from the outset and going steadily downhill with each question regarding Owens. "It seems like an unfortunate set of circumstances. But I know very little. I gotta figure out what the hell is going on."

Stop for a second and consider that absurdity.

You're a head coach of an NFL team and one of your players--your controversial star receiver, no less--is hospitalized around 8 p.m. after what a police report says is a suicide attempt, and you show up to a press conference 17 hours later acting like you don't know shit? C'mon.

"I didn't hear anything until mid-morning," Parcells claimed. Either Parcells is lying, or he's a na�ve, outta-touch numbskull you wouldn't want managing your Fantasy Football team, much less your billion-dollar football franchise.

Look, of course Parcells is lying. He saw the news this morning. He talked to public relations director Rich Dalrymple. He talked to owner Jerry Jones. And, somehow, he wants us to believe he has little or no information about, much less insight on, Owens' situation. "Look, when I find out what the hell is going on I'll let you know," Parcells said. "But I'm not going to be interrogated for no reason." And with that, Parcells stormed out of the press conference, adding to his legacy as one of the world's biggest assholes. As for the Cowboys' official statement:

"Last night we became aware of the fact that Terrell Owens was admitted to the hospital. Since that time we have been in the process of trying to determine the facts regarding his medical condition. Our concerns right now are for his health and well being. This is a medical issue that involves an individual's personal health. When we have additional information on Terrell's condition as it relates to his playing status, we will share it with you."

At the moment, T.O. is now scheduled to speak at 2:30. --Richie Whitt

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