Wait, the Observer Has a Softball Team?

For the first, and almost certainly the last, time in metroplex sports history, Your Dallas Observer softball team is the hottest sports squad in town. (This is usually where'd I insert a snappy, informative link, but, c'mon, we can't even get our allegedly powder-blue T-shirts -- a la the Texas Rangers, circa '83 -- delivered on time, so who am I kidding?) For the record, we boast a modest one-game winning streak after Monday night's exhilarating 10-9 victory over some law firm exhibiting all the athleticism of Ted Williams' frozen head. More important, legend has it that when publisher Adam Simon drove in Andrea Grimes (she doesn't throw like a girl, she throws like a Girl on Top) with the winning run, it snapped a three-year, 30-something-game losing streak. (Memo to teammates: Success breeds complacency. Complacency breeds failure. Only the paranoid survive. So why exactly am I batting third? Is someone out to get me?)

It's official, we're a jugger. Not. But who else you gonna root for. We've got more wins than these clowns, while these guys, this team and even this bunch lost their previous games. Maybe we'll win again someday. And, yeah, sure, maybe Sanjaya will actually win American Idol. Too bad Jim Nantz wasn't there for our one shining moment. Heard he had a more mature dynasty to cover. Speaking of, you know what you get when you pick 87.4 percent of March Madness correct, nail three of the Final Four and pinpoint the national champion? You get 368,944th place in ESPN's bracket challenge, that's what you get. --Richie Whitt

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